You’d probably agree with me that it’s certainly not wise to hurt your customers or potential customers. That seems pretty clear, doesn’t it?

But what about the people you work with or who work for you? Is it okay – is it appropriate – to hurt, abuse or cause your staff, peers or partners to suffer simply because they work with you?

Hopefully we all know the answer to this question as well. That’s why I’m a bit perplexed this morning from an email I got yesterday. The email as interesting in that I was being blamed for giving someone’s former boss ‘carte blanche’ to be abusive. The writer of the email referred to my post Why Being Unreasonable Can Lead To Success.

In the article I propose that to build a successful business you need to be willing to drop conformity and strike out on your own path with your business. I compare running a business to my many backpacking trips where I’d hike on trail until I got a feel for where I was. Then, I’d get off trail and explore sights unseen by most. Here’s an excerpt:

…Be willing to cut your own path. At the very least, explore off trail. Don’t just be a follower who adapts his or her self to the conditions that already exist. Rather find your independence, become your own leader and make the conditions that surround you work for you and your business.

What I’m saying is own your business. What that means is be the person who makes the decisions. Use the knowledge you gather from any source – coaches, books, seminars, teleclasses, trainings, etc. Learning it. Then use it to cut your own path in business rather than just following along with what you’re taught.

So nowhere in the article am I referring to being abusive, unkind or impolite with anyone. If you’re not kind to the people you work with and for (clients & customers included) then you’re making a terrible mistake. Successful businesses are built on the foundation of sound, caring, mutually beneficial relationships. Relationships that are nurtured for the benefit of both people. From what I’ve witnessed again and again not nurturing relationships is business suicide.

Whenever I’m in a relationship with anyone, regardless of their position, I’m trying to remember that what comes out of them is from them. For the most part, the circumstances that cause any sort of reaction are irrelevant. What IS relevant is how we respond to the circumstances. Whenever someone does something we don’t like, we have a choice. The choice is to respond to them with cruelty or with kindness. And the is true in every situation in our business … and our lives.

So have you had these sort of experiences where a boss, a partner or a colleague is unkind or abusive? Or have you had clients like this? What have you done about it?

More over, what importance do you put on nurturing relationships in  your business? How is that importance viewed by others?

Let’s talk about it.

(note: image from Bhernandez on Flickr,  some rights reserved)

Things are so bad here in Michigan, the state with the worst economy in the nation, that General Motors is talking about buying Chrysler – the Big Three become the Big Two.

So are these such terrible time economically? For some, yes. For others, and I’m not talking about the extremely wealthy, no. But that’s not how it’s being talked about. If you just pay attention to all the Henny Pennys writing for newspapers, magazine and the web and listen to their banter on TV and radio, our economic sky is falling.

Now I’m not going to say that the U.S. economy is all good and well. Truthfully, it hasn’t been for at least two, maybe three or four, decades. At least since the early 70’s we’ve been loaning out our future and falsely inflating our economy. Just look at how housing prices and the cost of goods has risen since 1980. All this goes to say that we are, collectively, in an economic crisis here in the U.S.

But does that mean you are facing an economic crisis? Is your business suffering in the same way that Lehman Brothers or Washington Mutual Bank have? I don’t think so. These institutions are part of the reason the economy is where it is. You, on the other hand, are the reason there’s some soundness in the economy.

You see, small businesses are the backbone of the U.S. economy now. Can we compete with Walmart, Ford or Pepsi – no. But we don’t need to either.

I have a number of close friends that work for large corporations. Most of them are scared they’ll loose their job because of the economic conditions. But the other side of the coin is that I have a large number friends who are self-employed or own small businesses who are doing quite well – and plan to continue that way.

The difference? When you work for a large corporation you’re at the whim of Board and Shareholder decisions. These companies need to make huge sums of money to meet their massive expenses – including your salary and benefits. Ultimately, you have almost no control over any part of that how the company chooses to use it’s resources.

It’s in economic times like these that the small business owner and those who are self-employed have an advantage. The first advantage is that your revenue needs and the size of your expenses are much, much smaller than large corporations. Second, and perhaps most importantly, you have the flexibility to change strategies to fit the economic times. And third, you have direct control over the decisions and direction of your company.

Being self-employed or running a small business gives you advantages just not possible for larger corporations. Hence, if you’re smart, you can actually grow your business in times like these. Here’s a few suggestions on how:

• Redefine and refine your niche market
  Even in great economic times, refining your niche can be the key to a lackluster business and an explosive one. Get clear on what problems you really solve for people with your products and services and make sure you’re offering them to the people who KNOW they want them.
• Position yourself correctly
  Positioning is simple – what does your market believe you do. You can have the best products and services in the world and have a niche all to yourself. But if you can’t clearly communicate to that niche what you can actually do for them, in ways they understand and want, then you’ll likely find yourself struggling.
• Spend less money and more time on marketing
  If you need to cut back on expenses, consider reducing your ad dollars. But only do this if you have a plan to replace what you’re spending in dollars with what you’ll be spending in time. For instance, word-of-mouth marketing is far more powerful than any ad, and can cost very little. Start with your current and past customers.
• Look for opportunities
  There are opportunities for business all around you. By opening your mind – along with your eyes and ears – to new possibilities, you can reach into new markets or segments of your niche in ways that can make your more successful. Remember, being small, you can often turn on a dime.
• Ask for referrals
  I mentioned above that word-of-mouth marketing is one of the most powerful forms of marketing you’ll ever use. So massage it along a bit by asking your most satisfied customer to refer you other people they know you can help. A good start is to ‘coach’ them a bit in how to share their story of working with you to the friends and colleagues they feel could benefit from working with you.
• Give something away for free
  I don’t mean give away your services, I mean create something of value – a report, a workbook, an audio series, etc – and pass it around. It’s a great way to find yourself in front of new people who your materials can help. And if you knock their socks off with what’s giving for free you’ll have them thinking, “If (s)he gives that much for free, what will I get when I’m paying them?”
• Get some help
  Sometimes the best money you’ll ever spend is contracting with someone who can help you make your business more solvent in times like these. Often a fresh perspective from someone who can help guide your ship can make all the difference between success and closing.

These are but a few ideas for growing your small business in tough economic times. Just remember, there are other folks out there that are doing just fine too. Some of them are looking for your solution to their problem. They just don’t know it yet. Help them learn it.

But please, don’t get lost in the media storm of fear. What they’re mostly talking about is corporations. Sure, it trickles down to all of us at some point. Yet it’s possible to come out ahead when times get tough. The biggest thing you need to do is tighten up the reigns a bit and focus on even greater clarity. And if you’re like most don’t expect to do it alone. Get help.

So tell me, how is the economy affecting your business? Is it hurting or helping – and why do you think it’s the case? More importantly, what do are you doing about it?

Let’s talk…

(note: image from brentbat on Flickr,  some rights reserved)

Most of us at SOBCon08 are bloggers, right? So you had to know that we blogged the event. Now I say we collectively as I was too busy jotting notes to live blog and too engrossed in conversation to blog at the event.

So what about the evenings…well, if I was getting to bed before 2am, perhaps. But I wasn’t.

Yet plenty of people either wrote reports from SOBCon08 or were live blogging as it happened. We even had a Twitter feed going at one point. The conversation behind the event didn’t stop – even during it.

So if you missed something or lost your notes at least you can find what you need from the vast resources below.

And if you couldn’t make it to SOBCon08 this year, you’ll find a great list of content that was written during the event. Having gone through all of these posts, photos and videos, there’s enough content here to make it feel like you were there – just without the smiles, hugs and handshakes.

• Christine Kane – 5 Reasons I’m Performing at SOBCon08
• Steve Sherlock from Steve’s 2 Cents – SOBCon08 – Initial Feedback on Conference, SOBCon08 (poem)
• The Blog Squad – Chris Garrett Video Interview at SOBCon08 (video)
• Chris Garrett from chrisg.com – SOBCon Event Report Day 1
• Terry Starbucker – SOBCon08 As It’s Happening
• Liz Strauss (THE Liz Strauss) – SOBCon 2008: Feedback on Sunday, Joanna Young at SOBCon08 (video)
• Lorelle VanFossen – SOBCon 2008: FuelMyBlog PreConference Meetup Friends
• Jesse Peterson on Perfectly Peterson – Let the SOBCon08 Live Blogging Begin, Walking to the Hotel, Leaving for the Boat, SOBCon08 Presentations Part 1, SOBCon08 Presentations Part 2 – Anita Bruzzese, SOBCon08 Presentations Part 3 – Brian Clark, SOBCon08 Presentations Part 4 – Lorelle VanFossen, SOBCon08 Presentations Part 5 – Chris Garrett, SOBCon08 Presentations Part 6 – David Bullock, SOBCon08 Presentations Part 7 – Chris Brogan, SOBCon08 Presentations Part 8 – Liz Strauss, SOBCon08 Presentations Part 9 – Wendy Piersall
• Andrew Dubber from – Chicago Part 4, Top 5 Blogging Tools Recommendation by Chris Garrett,
• Shashi Bellamkonda from Network Solutions – Awesome Table Mates (video), Interview with Denise Wakeman of Blog Squad (video), Interview with Jared Goralnik founder of Awayfind.com (video), Chris Brogan Talks About $8 Shirts (video), Interview with Sims Margolis of Utterz (video),� Steven Sherlock Talking About PodCampNYC (video),� Interview with Tojosan (video), 20 Slides in 5 Minutes (slideshow), SOBCon08 Takeaways, SOBCon08 in Pictures, Chris Brogan Talks About Communities, David Bullock, � Chris Garret – More Bang from Your Blog, 5 Minute Blog Post, Interview with Ria Sharon of Food Allergy Community (video), Brian Clark – Online Business Models That Work, Anita Bruzzese – Managing Your Online Reputation, Live Video on Quik (video)
• Matt Murphey from Matt’s Cuppa & Telecommatt – Live Blogging SOBCon08, Brian Clark – Copyblogger, Lorelle VanFossen, Chris Garrett, Chris Garrett (more), David Bullock, Chris Brogan, Liz Strauss, Wendy Piersall, Decompressing at SOBCon08 (audio), Lunch at SOBCon08
• Michael Martine, the remarkablogger – SOBCon08 Meetups (video), SOBCon08 Boat Cruise (video), The Blog is Now Entering SOBCon08 Mode, SOBCon08 Related Posts and Links, SOBCon08 Reports – Anita Bruzzese, SOBCon08 Reports – Brian Clark on Business Models, SOBCon08 Reports – Chris Garrett, SOBCon08 Reports – David Bullock, SOBCon08 Reports – Liz Strauss, SOBCon08 Reports – Lorelle VanFossen, SOBCon08 Reports – Wendy Piersall
• Rick Mahn – Why Chris Garrett does NOT suck at speaking
• Michelle Divine from Divine Purpose Unleashed – Live Remote Audio Podcasting from SOBCon08
• Stephen Smith from Productivity in Context – Airport Blogging, Friday Morning Zen, Why Chris Garrett Doesn’t Suck,
• Sonia Simone from Remarkable Communications – SOBCon Update: Friday Night, SOBCon Update: Saturday
• Ruth Marie Sylte – SOBCon08: Thursday Recap, SOBCon08: Twitter Updates for 2008-05-03,
• Barbara Rozgonyi on wiredPRworks – SOBCon08 Notes Anita Bruzzese: Managing Your Online Reputation, SOBCon08 Notes Brian Clark: The Triple A Model for Social Media Success, SOBCon08 Notes Lorelle VanFossen | Defining Your Business, SOBCon08 Notes – Chris Brogan: New Media Communities, SOBCon08 Notes Chris Garrett:More Bang from Your Blog, SOBCon08 NOtes – Liz Strauss How to be Irresistable
• Stephen Hopson from Adversity University -SOBCon08 Update
• Todd Jordan – SOBCon08 – Anita Bruzzese, SOBCon08 – Brian Clark – Copyblogger, SOBCon08 – Where I Found More Than A Blogger, Christine Kane – Live Chicago SOBCon08 (video), Christine Kane – Live Chicago SOBCon08 – Live part 2 (video)
• Timothy Johnson from carpe factum – SOBCon08: Final Photo Mashup, SOBCon08: Saturday Recap, SOBCon08: Anita Bruzzese, SOBCon08: Separated at Mirth, SOBCon08: First Night Recap
• Sandy Renshaw from Purple Wren Communications – SOBCon08: Chris Garrett, SOBCon08: Brian Clark
• Phil Gerbyshak of Make It Great – Hanging at SOBCon
• Jen Knoedl – Lorelle VanFossen / Chris Garrett
• Kristen King from Inkthinker & BizChicksRule – SOBCon08 in Chicago: Holy Moly, This is Awesome, Step Out of Your Comfort Zone: On Going to a Conference in a Strange City All By Yourself
• Pete Jones – Pictures are worth a 1000 words…
• Brad Shorr from WordSell, Inc. – Joanna Young, My Pen Pal, SOBCon08 Ramblings
• Becky McCray from Out Standing in My Field & Small Biz Survival – Do you do your homework?
• Brian Kress from Business On The Mound – Business On The Mound Gets To Know Simeon Margolis, Founder of Utterz (audio)
• Susan Reynold’s Tweetstream

So, if you were there, what was the biggest (I know it’s hard to find only one) highlight of your weekend. Doesn’t have to be something Brian or the Chris(es) said. Could be a meal, a conversation or a relationship.

So I’ll tell you mine if you tell me yours…in the comment box.

(note: image of (left to right) Stephen Smith, Clay & Jared Goralnick from Wendy Piersall on Flickr)

Liz and Terry sure nailed it this year. Not only in concept but in execution. Their goal – create an event where business owners and bloggers come together to learn from each other – both about social media and about running a business. In my opinion, much needed and only scraping the surface of what’s needed around social media. The weekend was great…here’s my experience.

The flight to Chicago on Friday was quick and uneventful. We landed just before a storm rolled in that delayed a number of SOBCon-ers, including Chris Cree and Gorgeous (his name for his wife). I jump on the orange line out of Midway which deposits me, 40 minutes later, a block and a half from my hotel – in a downpour. Cab it or walk…I chose to walk. And when I stepped into Hotel 71 I was drenched.

I get to my room, dry off, unpack and out comes the laptop. I was thinking of a short nap before the afternoon’s festivities, but turns out Chris Garrett was looking for a lunch date. Sonia Simone and I join Chris for a stroll down Michigan Ave, a nice chat and a great lunch lunch at Carmine’s. Thank God the weather cleared up.

Back at the hotel we walk into a cloud of bloggers. Liz, Terry and bunch of old friends from last year’s event. Hugs go all around. I’m overjoyed to meet Joanna Young for the first time. To David Airey: she flew all the way from Scotland.

Lots of faces, new and old. Too many to remember. But I did get a huge hug from my dear friend Wendy Piersall (tell Dave it was great to meet him). Had a great talk with Tammy Lenski – she and I need to do some work together. Then, finally, after months of phone calls and emails, I got to see the communicatrix – Colleen Wainwright in the flesh. She’s shorter than I thought thought she’d be – AND big bags of fun. We spent much of the weekend hanging out. Loved her before, love and adore her after. She’s a friend for life, I think.

Dinner time was approaching so Adam Kayce and I round up a few people for Indian food at Kypher Pass on East Wacker. Pretty nice food. Nothing, though, like Tandoor Fine Indian Cuisine which Adam and I found last year. It’s out in Park Ridge near O’Hare (map) – like Indian food, gotta check it out.

Anyhow, Todd Jordan along with Shashi Bellamkonda & Randy Windsor from Network Solutions joined us. I learned much about Shashi over the weekend. One thing is he loves to take photos. And did you know he was once a chef?

Chicago Cruises and the Chicago Skyline provided the backdrop for our evening. The entertainment…by a hundred bloggers on a boat, Jim Beam (who sponsored the Friday night) and the amazing music of Christine Kane. If you don’t know Christine’s music – you should. But more on that later. Becky McCray has some great shots on Flickr of Chicago at night. As does Wendy.

Had a great walk and chat back to the hotel with Ruth Marie Sylte. We could have stayed up all night talking politics, spirituality and fixing the problems in the Middle East. But sleep called – especially since I missed that nap (thanks ChrisG).

I’ll continue with my in depth report of SOBCon. For now, I’d love to know your SOBCon experience. If you were there, what was one highlight. And if not, what’s one thing you would have liked to have taken away from the event if you could have come?

(note: image from bjmccray on Flickr)

But this friend of mine – whose name I’m not going to mention – hasn’t made much of her business. Well, I should say businesses.

You see over the past twelve years or so she’s had, maybe, eight businesses. All have focused on providing some array of services based on her varied background. Each one has taken a somewhat unique approach to helping people overcome various problems in their lives. And each one could have probably been quite successful.

But here she sits, more than a decade later, struggling to make ends meat. She keeps wondering how she’s not successful when she has all these great ideas of how to help people and make money doing it. Yet she never sticks long enough in one business concept to see it become successful for her.

Can you relate? Early on in my work, I could. I used to bounce from idea to idea thinking this was the next great one – the one that would build my empire and let me retire at thirty. But thirty came and went and I was still just meagerly successful in the work I did. And now, meeting the woman I would marry, I knew I’d have to be responsible for a family.

Then I decided to take a long look at where I’d been and why I wasn’t successful. Like my friend, I felt I was pretty intelligent, honest, kind and had a good mind for business. I also knew how to run a successful business – how to organize and structure my time, create a clear marketing message, and reach people who I could help.

What I was missing was the commitment to a single business. I liked being able to change what I did on the spur of the moment. And like my friend, I’d be jazzed as I started with a new idea. This would last a few months and I’d get tons done toward my new direction. Then I’d enjoy a few months of the challenge of trying to make money off my new direction. And then, when the real work was needed, I’d get bored of my business and begin thinking of something new.

The problem, however, wasn’t that I was bored with my business. It was more that I hadn’t made the commitment to being successful. I could do all the preliminary work and begin making a living – that was easy and fun. But when it came to rolling up my sleeves and do the work it took to be successful, I’d turn to a new business idea. So, like my friend, I was always in the start-up mode and never engaged in the work it took to really be successful.

I’m so grateful that I figured this out. And I’m even more grateful that I chose a business and began building it with the idea of long-term success. What’s interesting is that in my commitment to one business idea, I’ve been able to be just as creative as when I was bouncing around. But now I have a successful business and the revenue to show it. And I have plans for a huge expansion in the coming months (stay tuned).

Unfortunately, my friend hasn’t understood that she needs to commit to a business idea yet. She continues to struggle financially as she scrambles month-to-month with the work she’s doing. There are probably many reasons for where she is. Even though I know her story well, I don’t want to be presumptuous.

And, just like everyone else, at some point she’ll either have to find one business concept and commit to it or stop being self-employed. Of course, she could always marry into money.

What I’ve taken away from all these years of business experience is that you have to give your business a chance…a chance to succeed. Some will succeed more, some less, some not at all. But it takes time to find out which ideas you have will. So commit to the one you feel has the best chance and go after it. Make the commitment. Put in the work. Get really serious about seeing it through. And see where it takes you.

And if you get stuck, ask yourself what’s one thing inside me and one thing outside me that’s holding my business back from being successful?

Do these stories sound familiar to you?

Are you watching a friend go through the same experience?

So, then, what is that one thing for you – for them? And what’s your strategy to overcome it?

Let’s talk about it…

(note: image from PhotoLab XL on Flickr)

That only makes sense, right? They’re paying you fees, sometimes large fees, to help them either change something or accomplish something that they just can’t manage on their own. It doesn’t matter whether you’re hired to give advice, as a consultant might do, or be more hands-on in helping with change as a coach might – the desired outcome is still the same.

This sometimes leads to pressure to help our clients get results. A little pressure on the client to change is good. After all, change is seldom easy and often requires a little push to get started (okay, and sometimes a big push).

Yet any good coach or consultant knows that we have to manage our clients and how they progress with a bit of skill. Sometimes we can put it all out there and people get it. Other times we have to pull back a bit and offer change in small steps. So we give each client what they can handle in the way they can implement it best. As I’ve seen it, this is the art to being an effective coach or consultant – and even to being an effective teacher, parent, spouse, or friend really.

In the years I’ve been a coach / consultant / advisor (I’m still uncertain what to call myself) one piece of advice has stood out from the rest. It came from the most interesting of sources.

Hannah Whitall Smith was a Christian speaker, author and women’s rights activist in the late 19th century. She was an active speaker in the Holiness Movement of the 1800’s and was active in Women’s Suffrage and the Temperance Movement in the U.S.

Years ago I found a quote which she wrote and tucked it away with thousands of others I have. Then a few years back, I ran across it again. Now as a website designer who was also coaching and advising my clients on how to use their websites to grow their business, it made me stop and consider how I approached my coaching work.

The true secret of giving advice is, after you have honestly given it, to be perfectly indifferent whether it is taken or not, and never persist in trying to set people right.

- Hannah Whitall Smith

Stop and think about it for a minute. How would your coaching practice or your consulting business change if you took this approach? How could it change the relationships you have with� your clients? And moreover, how could it enhance the results your client’s are getting?

What changed in me was the understanding that it’s not my responsibility to create change. It’s only my responsibility to offer the opportunity. So rather than feeling like I had to create change in someone’s business, for instance, I could be more effective by meeting my clients where they are and giving them the space and time to come to change themselves.

Someone once told me that it’s not in our nature as human beings to want to share what we know and not see it utilized. It was suggested that it shakes us up inside a bit when people don’t do what we advise them. Whether that’s true or not is an interesting debate of its own.

Yet what I’d like to know is how this quote might change the way you do business? How might it affect your conversations, relationships and approaches with your clients – even if you’re not a consultant or coach?

And maybe the more interesting question of all, if you so choose to consider it, is how could Hannah’s advice change your relationships with your loved ones?

Let’s talk about it…

(note: image from ambergris on Flickr)

According to James from Audio Mecca, it’s necessary to accept “that the other fellow is not a moron.”

I keep saying again and again that conversation leads to relationship and relationship leads to business. No matter whether we’re talking about clients and customers, referrals and affiliates, partnerships or friends – it all begins with building relationships.

That’s why I find James’ comment so interesting. It’s true! We need to believe that the people we get into conversations with, and ultimately building relationships with, are not idiots. Don’t they have a point? Aren’t their comments, perceptions and ideas important in some way?

If they’re not, why are we in the conversation with them in the first place?

When I think about all of you who have commented on my blog, for instance, I can’t think of any instances when I thought someone was an idiot or a moron. Really, I’m not just saying that. But that doesn’t mean every comment I’ve seen has been a highly intelligent one.

Yet I know that people (read: me) sometimes say things that are off-beat a little bit with how they feel or what they think. I know that sometimes in trying to explain something we can just get way off track and start sounding like an idiot. But does that make us one?

Maybe it does…What do you have to say?

Let’s be honest…do you think the readers of your blog are morons?

How about the people your customers and clients? Why/why not?

(note: image from judemat on Flickr)

The answer I give almost always revolves around creating relationships. If you’ve been reading a while, you know one of my favorite statements is people don’t do business with businesses, they do business with people. So relationships become key to business success.

Before the internet, before social media, much of the business world seemed to focus on producing and selling. You’d produce a product or create a service and do everything you could to get people to buy. In other words, marketing was about peddling what you had.

Today, however, and especially with the explosion of social media, the business world is changing. No longer is business just about producing something and selling it. Now, business is more about communication, relationship, community and innovation. And all this is being driven by the conversations happening all over the blogosphere.

As business owners, this means we need to rethink how we go about doing business. We need to consider and engage in the conversation with people who need what we offer. It means we need to be more concerned with customer service – even before the person becomes a customer. It means that what you share in your business is just as important as what you do.

I found this great little video on YouTube that illustrates just that. It was put together by Charles Leadbeater who’s a leading authority on innovation and creativity. Charles’s website says he’s currently involved in research which “focuses on how mass, user driven innovation is reshaping organisations.” If you’re in the UK, you may want to check out Charles book, We Think, The Power of Mass Creativity.

One of the quotes from the video that I found so interesting was this:

Communities don’t just want to make money, they want to socialize and gain recognition for the work they do.

Would you agree?

Take a look at the video. It’s about four minutes long. And at the end, I’d love to hear what you think.

So, are you what you produce or are you what you share? Or both? What are your thoughts?

(note: image from Marcio Ruiz on Flickr)

John had worked at some sort of job since he was nine. He had a paper route, then three. When he was eleven he started mowing lawns for neighbors. That quickly grew to raking leaves and shoveling snow.

John never much liked school and so as many of his friends went off to college after graduation, John landed a job with Ford assembling dashboard parts on the assembly line. Good work – and great pay – for a eighteen year-old.

Now, at thirty-four John found himself out of work. John hadn’t married yet – though he was dating the woman who would become his wife. And living a simple life in a modest house he managed to sock away a nice little nest egg.

It wasn’t money that drew John to look for work a few weeks after being laid off. He just wanted to be doing something.

He started by dropping fliers in his neighbor’s mailbox offering handyman services, lawn maintenance and landscaping. Here and there the phone would ring and he’d get odd jobs doing work for people. And soon he was back mowing lawns every week. Since most of his neighbors had mowers, he often used theirs – saving himself the trip with his own.

John took great pride in mowing lawns – as he learned to when he was a young boy. His lines were symetrical and straight as an arrow. He could even manuver around trees in a way that didn’t curve the cut lines the mower left on the lawn – something he’d worked out the summer he was fourteen.

And when John was finished with the mower, he cleaned thoroughly, filled the gas tank, checked the oil and put it back neatly in his neighbor’s garage. Then he’d leave a little note of some sort, thanking his neighbors for giving him something to do while he was laid off and letting them know that he’d only be available until the plant called him back.

Every week the phone would ring and someone new would ask John to mow their lawn. A the next week another; some weeks two or three people would call. Each one John would manicure their lawn as he cut it, clean the mower, place it back and leave a small note of thanks.

This went on for a few months until John realized that he was back running a lawn service business just as he was when he was a boy. In three months he had gone from cutting his neighbor’s lawn to cutting the lawns of 28 people a week. And at $20 a lawn, he was making a nice bit of change. He wondered how he’d done so well with no effort at all.

It was mild Sunday afternoon and John was sanding the deck off the back of his house when he heard two of his neighbors taking. As he went over to say hi he heard them mention his name and his lawn mowing. He paused for a moment wondering if he’d done something wrong. Quite the contrary.

You see, John gave meaning to mowing a lawn. He cared about how the lawn looked more than how quickly he could get it done. He took such care as to clean, fuel and replace the mower. And they talked about those little notes he left.

John paused and thought. Every lawn he was mowing was because one neighbor talked with another. He’d done nothing to get 28 lawns except put his caring and pride in his work. He wondered what could happen if he started a professional lawn service with the same intentions.

John was never called back to Ford. But today he runs a lawn service. He works from April to November and then takes most of the winter off to spend with his wife and their newborn son. Everyone who works for him is asked to take pride in their work. John’s taught them how to mow straight lines and how to make that special curve around a tree. And when every job is completed, a small note is left that meaningfully thanks the customer for their business.

Last year, John had a waiting list – both for crew members and for customers. He’s thinking about expanding this year. Funny thing is, he still doesn’t market himself. He doesn’t even have a website I can link you too. All his business has been through word-of-mouth.

John’s care for his customers brought meaning to something as simple and mundane as mowing a lawn. In the meaning came the way for John to make money. The beautiful thing is that he focuses on making meaning and lets the money follow. Great lesson for any of us buiness owners.

Make meaning with your business and the money will follow.

Are you making meaning with your business? I’d love to know how.

And if don’t feel like you are, what’s one thing you can do to add meaning to the work you do?

(note: image from Sarcas on Flickr)

Neither had I. But since hearing Seth Godin speak about his book, The Dip: A Little Book That Teaches you When to Quit (and When to Stick), last year it’s constantly been on my mind.

In The Dip, Seth suggests that all successful people know one thing before they become successful – they know when to quit. They know when to recognize when what they’re doing isn’t going to generate success. So what do successful people do? They quit. They quit doing what’s not leading them toward success so they can put their efforts into things that can lead to success.

As with Seth’s usual approach, he uses The Dip to talk about how to become the best in the world. This seems to be his new way of saying do something remarkable. But the core message is the same – be great to those who think you’re great. In other words – find your niche and become known as being great to those who you interact and work with.

So how do you know if you’re doing something you should quit? Well, according to Seth you need to know when your business is in The Dip – “the long slog between starting and mastery.” It’s in The Dip that you decide whether it’s worth the effort and reward of climbing toward success or whether you should quit.

Now this doesn’t mean that if you’re a business coach you need to stop being a business coach. It could, but doesn’t need too. Rather, it means deciding if what you’re doing as a coach, your approach and your marketing, for instance, are going to be worth pushing hard through The Dip. If so, continue. But if not, consider quitting so you can take a different approach.

I’ve been working with this idea of quitting for the better part of a year. What I’ve seen in my own business is that I’m much more focused toward what will bring me greater success. Now, when I find myself in a dip whose slog isn’t worth the effort, I quit. Which means I quit a lot. And I’m more successful because of it.

I’m sure not everything you’re doing in your business is worth the slog. So have you ever considering quitting? Why or why not?

Let’s talk about it.

(note: image from Gabba Gabba Hey on Flickr)

My friend’s position was that you’re manipulated only if you’re ‘weak of mind.’ He believes that if you’re aware that someone’s trying to manipulate you with subliminal messages, it doesn’t have any affect on you.

My opinion is quite the opposite. I feel that advertising companies are highly advanced at subtly manipulating us through constant subliminal messaging. Those subliminal messages, then, set us up for being highly suggestive to whatever stimulus is meant to get us to buy. Think about the last time a simple conversation with someone brought up the desire to have a Big Mac.

So this weekend, oddly enough, I StumbledUpon this video. In it, a couple of advertising professionals are ‘hired’ to create an ad for a company’s pilot product. It’s nearly seven minutes long, but you have to watch it to the end to get understand what the film makers were trying to show.

So, what do you think? Are we highly subjective to advertising? To media? To what other sorts of stimuli? Or is this just all psycho-mumbo-jumbo?

Any experiences either way, yourself?

He may not have had a computer to share his thoughts, nor the internet to spread them. But he did have a printing press where he printed regular installments of Poor Richard’s Almanack.

Ben Franklin was known to have a sharp and witty mind and a love of things social. He loved to share his thoughts on any number of subjects. He loved to stir the pot…and he loved debate.

Think of any bloggers like that?

So Ben Franklin was a blogger before there was blogging. But don’t just take my word for it. All the evidence can be found in his own words:

“Be civil to all; sociable to many; familiar with few; friend to one; enemy to none.”

Isn’t that how blogging works? You want to be an open door to all, have conversations with those who engage you in the comment box, and become familiar with people who are interested in building relationships. Further, you’ll find a small group who will become like friends. And for all, let none become your enemy. Sound advice for any blogger.

And while Ben Franklin was a bit of hot-headed and stubborn in his time, he nonetheless offers great advice on dealing with the negativity we social media-types sometimes face:

“Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain and most fools do.”

“He that blows the coals in quarrels that he has nothing to do with, has no right to complain if the sparks fly in his face.”

“He that would live in peace and at ease, must not speak all he knows nor judge all he sees.”

He was a staunch proponent of finding what was interesting to himself and others and adding what was valuable to your reader’s lives:

“If you would not be forgotten as soon as you are dead and rotten, either write something worth reading or do things worth the writing.”

And he knew so well that people couldn’t be convinced of anything unless they cared.

“If you would persuade, you must appeal to interest rather than intellect.“

What’s more, he knew that people did not want to be lectured too. Rather, they need to be engaged and included in the conversation:

“Tell me and I forget. Teach me and I remember. Involve me and I learn.”

Ben Franklin clearly understood that writing a solid, interesting blog post took research:

“An investment in knowledge always pays the best interest.”

…and required time and effort:

“He that can have patience can have what he will.”

“Energy and persistence conquer all things.”

…and that that hard work would eventually pay off:

“Employ thy time well, if thou meanest to get leisure.”

He even had advice for probloggers and those who wish to make money from their blogs; offering sound advice for remaining in balance between making money and keeping readers:

“He that is of the opinion money will do everything may well be suspected of doing everything for money.”

Overall, what Ben Franklin reminds us is that if we have something to share…some perspective that’s uniquely ours to share with the world – do it! And don’t let your fears get in the way:

“Hide not your talents, they for use were made. What’s a sun-dial in the shade?”

But perhaps the best advice of all is the advice that Mr. Franklin offered us for living our lives:

“Dost thou love life? Then do not squander time, for that’s the stuff life is made of.”

Do any of Ben Franklin’s thoughts touch a chord in you about your blogging? How? And how could his advice change the way you look at social media?

Just yesterday I was speaking with a prospective client who told me, “I can’t just make money. I need to make a difference in people’s lives. I need to help people and know that my business has a purpose. Otherwise, it just doesn’t feel right to me.”

Personally, and professinally, I would agree. I, too, want to make a difference in people’s lives. I also want to do something positive for my community and for my family.

Yet, so often the idea of purpose becomes unbalanced with growing a business and making a profit. When I dig deeper into these conversations with clients I can sometimes see the confusion. They want to make money AND they want to make a difference. Yet somehow they just don’t feel like it’s possible. Somehow they feel that if they make a nice living that they’re not really serving the people who need help. The flip side is even more odd in that the believe that need to make less money to help the people less fortunate.

Doesn’t this seem out of balance? Doesn’t it seem odd that we so easily believe that we need to suffer to help others that are suffering? I just can’t get my mind around this one. But maybe you can…

Do you think it’s possible to a have purpose to your business while making a comfortable living? How?

Do you believe that you need to suffer to help those that are suffering? If so, why? And if not, why do you feel others feel that way?

I’d love to chat about this one…

(note: image from bebalance on Flickr)

Then, I want to hear what you’re thoughts are…

Without a doubt we fear writing. But why? I’ve thought about this questions a bunch over the years. But seldom have I considered writing about it until the lovely April Groves left a comment on my post 3 Easy Steps to Creating a Web-based Business yesterday.

In 3 Easy Steps, I (and Matt Cutts) suggested that the second step to creating a successful online business is to start a blog. Why? Because it helps you engage directly with your target audience. It’s also the easiest way to begin driving traffic to your site and, hence, have the opportunity to grow your business. Here’s what April said:

I completely agree…but, I’ll tell you… When I present the blogging idea to people I know, the writing aspect scares most of them to death. I hear “But I can’t write” more times than I can count. My best counsel is for them to try writing the way they talk. It goes right to the heart of authentic. But, if you have other coaching suggestions to this block, I’d be all ears.

So why do we fear writing so much?

What I find most interesting is how the belief that we ‘can’t write’ is completely and utterly made up. At best, it’s something we took away from our junior high or high school education. Really, the idea we can’t write is thrust upon us because it just happens to be the opinion of our teachers. It’s not ours – unless we believe it.
But are they right? And can it change?

No, they’re not right. And yes, it can change.

I was one of those students who couldn’t write – so said my teachers. While I excelled at science and math, I could never write. Or at least that’s what I was told. And when I look back, they may have been right – at the time. But it certainly didn’t help to be told I couldn’t write each time I got a paper back.

And yet I sit here today with hundreds of blog posts – the great majority of which are written well enough that hundreds of people like you have wanted to engage me in conversation. Each of those posts has brought some value to people’s lives, their blogging and their business. And I don’t care whether I follow traditional writing methods. I care about communicating with you. So as long as I can do that, I know, without a doubt, that I can write.

So what’s the difference between what I’m writing today and what I was doing in school – other than a few decades of life experience, focus and a bit more maturity?

I think it’s relaxing and letting go of how I was taught to write. Forget the 5 paragraph model. Forget sentence structure and grammar (for the most part) and just write. Just get the words out from your mind. Let them move through your arms and dance you fingers on the keyboard just like they move up from your throat to create symphony between the tongue, larynx and lips when you speak (okay, so I went a little overboard). The point is – let go, and just write.

And for God’s sake, forget that you were ever told you can’t write. Because you can! With the blog – if you can speak, if you can communicate thoughts and ideas, you can write. And you can certainly blog.

I agree with April – write like you speak. Think about writing as a conversation and write that way. All of us can speak at least well enough to be understood in a conversation. So treat blogging like it’s a conversation. And remember that you, the blogger, get to start each conversation, you get to choose the topic and the way of looking at the topic. Then, invite the world to respond.

People care much more about what you want to communicate, what you want to share and how valuable it is to them then they do having beautiful, flowing prose. If you can write like that (communicatrix, I’m thinking of you), great. But if not, just ‘talk’ with people through your keyboard. They’ll learn far more about who you are, how you see things and how you can help them with their problems.

And that’s what leads to sales.

So what do you think…can you write (you should know the answer by now)? What was the biggest thing that you feel hurt your confidence in your writing? And how did you overcome it? I’d love to hear…and so would the people April talks with.

It’d be great to meet Seth Godin – oh, wait, I did meet him last summer when he was on his book tour for The Dip. Great ideas, nice presenter, but didn’t find him too engaging personally. Maybe it was the setting.

I’ve also had this odd fascination with Robert Scoble, though truthfully, I’m not sure why. Maybe he just gets it in a way I’m still trying too. Or the authors of the Cluetrain Manifesto. That book solidified how I look at business and it’d be great to bat it around with those guys a bit.

Gosh, really, there’s tons of bloggers I’d like to meet. After all, I’m blogging because I love the conversation. I love to learn. I love to share what I know. I just love meeting people. People from all walks-of-life. I want to hear their stories and learn from their experiences. So really, there’s tons of bloggers I’d like to meet…

Like you!

But since in our last one2one conversation Liz asked me who’s the person I’d like to meet, I’ll go ahead and choose someone.

But you know, the blogger I’d like to meet most at this moment is someone I should have met last May at SOBCon07. He was there. I saw him around. We just never got a chance to meet. Who is it? Muhammad Saleem. Why? Because this guy knows social media and I’d love to pick his brain.

I’d call him a social media expert. Just take a look at what he writes on his own blog, [muhammad.saleem] or at Pronet Advertising. Or check out his numerous guest posts on sites like The Blog Herald, Copyblogger, Search Engine Land. And don’t forget to search for the huge number of interviews he’s given around social media. He’s even a top Digger and one of Propeller’s “professional social bookmarkers.“

Really, just follow this guy’s trail and you’ll learn everything you’d ever want or need to know about social media, social networking, social sharing, social marketing, etc. Maybe I don’t need to sit down and pick his brain.

Nah, that wouldn’t be any fun now, would it? Not to mention, I’d miss learning who Muhammad, the person, is. And that just wouldn’t be any fun.

So is there a blogger would you most like to meet? Who? Why?

And for Liz, since this is a one2one conversation…

What’s one way you’d say social media has changed the way you do business?

Of course, when I’m asking Liz, I’m asking you too. So please, answer away. And Muhammad, if you happen to stop by, I pose the same question to you.

He who knows others is wise;
He who knows himself is enlightened.

The passage made me stop and contemplate my own life. How well do I know myself? I went down that path for a bit of time; looking at my aspects and considering what I might be blind about.

Naturally, I soon turned to business. I thought about how much of marketing is focused on the consumer or the client. I wondered what I might learn about my business if I applied Lao-tzu’s words to marketing. So I rewrote the passage to say:

He who knows his customer is wise;
But he who knows his business is enlightened.

Then I started thinking about my clients, my colleagues, my friends, etc. How many of them really know what they do? I don’t mean can they explain their business in some marketing lingo that drives sales. I’m talking about do they understand what they REALLY do for their clients? What impact do they make?

For instance, I’m a web developer, a marketing coach, a business advisor and a strategist. I help my clients understand how to use the internet to reach their business goals. Pretty simple.

But if I think about the client’s I’ve worked with over the past year, it’s evident that I have a much broader and deeper impact on my client’s life than I first think about. While I certainly help them build their website, clarify their marketing message or build a campaign, I also help them create space in their lives for their business. As well, I help them overcome their fears and uncertainties about using the web, and I educate them in how to measure their success. What’s more, I teach them anything they really need or want to know about using the web to grow their business.

But it doesn’t stop there. Most of my clients and I also develop a strong bond; a working relationship that seems to increase their trust in themselves. They know, for instance, they’re not doing this alone in their process. I also freely share my idea, concepts, vision and excitement about their business – something that often motivates them to get the next bit of work done.

When I think about it, I do far more than just develop web-based businesses. I have an impact on my client’s lives. And I need to remember that in my business. Perhaps even explore that more and understand how I can express more of what I offer my clients. And maybe, just maybe, I can find more of the light in my business.

So what about you? How well do you know what you do? How much do you understand the impact you have on your clients or customers? How enlightened are you in your business?

Boy does life have a funny way of turning out.

I made it to medical school. My freshman year at Purdue opened my eyes to the wonders of alternative medicine and I was off on a new direction. Two years at university were enough for me. So I set out to learn everything I could about alternative ways of healing.

What followed was an amazing ten year adventure that ultimately opened my eyes to the wonders of our own bodies. At the same time I got to study all sorts of healing modalities – some very profound, others a bit of quackery.

Yet through much of my studies I was supporting myself as a website developer. Until finally, one day, I felt I had enough knowledge to hang out my shingle as an alternative healing practitioner. It was great, in the beginning. I used all that I had learned to help people overcome all sorts of ailments – some physical, others emotional or mental, and even some that were more spiritual in nature.

Yet, for some reason, it just wasn’t a good fit. It wasn’t until I closed my practice that I realized that healing, at least in a formal setting, more medical setting, just wasn’t in my heart. So, having gotten married and expecting our first daughter, I returned to web design full time. The secret, though, is that I never really stopped building websites – even when I was working with clients in my healing practice.

The next year or so had its joys, its challenges, its hurdles – and its moments of profound growth.

So one day I was sitting back waiting for a client to phone when I began thinking of my journey. I thought, “How did a kid who wanted to be a doctor to help people end up being a web designer and business developer?”

But when I thought about it, the answer was simple…I followed the signs.

That’s right. There were signs all along the way. I just had to learn how to read them. And while it may seem odd that I’d compare being a doctor to what I do now, I easily see the path I’ve chosen as the right one.

Think about it. If I’d finished at the university and gone off to medical school to become a surgeon, I would have never had the life I had in my twenties – backpacking, mountaineering, kayaking – for months at a time. I also wouldn’t have had the freedom to learn so much about how the body heals naturally, with foods and herbs and how our emotional, mental and, to some degree, spiritual states play enormous roles in our health, vitality and the quality of life. The 18 year-old boy who went to Purdue had no idea of that. But the man, 20 years later, sees life, health, family, and business with a sense of oneness – how every piece of life works together like a orchestra, playing the symphony of our life.

And, if I’d gone to medical school, it’s unlikely I’d be here today, writing this blog post on a system I’d likely know little about. What’s more, I’d not have the opportunity I do now to affect countless people, in every part of the globe, with little conversations that can help them in some way. But now I do.

Just like with every turn in my life, I’d never have guessed where I was going. Yet I do trust, with great faith, the next step. And while I can’t see with any clarity where it will lead me, I do know it’ll be an adventure. And I know I’d not be true to myself without striding out to explore where the path leads.

Charles Darwin once wrote, “It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change.”

For me change is inevitable. After struggling with it early in life, I now embrace it. I know it’s the only thing that’s true constant in my outer life. And I know it’s something I can’t control. What I can have some say over is how I respond to the changes life puts before me.

What about you? How well do you handle change? In your life? In your relationships? In your business? Let’s talk about it and maybe learn something from each other.

(note: image Melting Pot from Lorrie McClanahan on Flickr)

Then come back and let’s talk about it. What do you think? And let us know why you think the way you do.

Thanks to Dan Cederholm for helping me find this little ditty.

Of course that wasn’t the most interesting part of the past month. The most interesting part are the events that led to me catching a birthing baby. So let’s get right into that…

On Sunday evening, November 11th, my wife began pre-labor right around sunset. So we finished dinner (I cleaned up), I dropped our two kids in a bath and got them off to bed. Meanwhile, my wife settled into her now familiar labor patterns – being left alone, in a dark room and moving between the bed and the tub.

Now my wife thought all along that our this child, our third, would birth quickly. Of course, we also thought my wife would have given birth a month ago at this point so who knows. Either way, she was going through her process.

We called our midwife, Beth, after I got the kids down for the night and things settled in our home. Beth came over and confirmed that the contractions my wife was having were pre-labor. We both adore Beth – she’s been attending births since she was 16 and has an absolutely incredible understanding of women in pregnancy and the birthing process. And now in her 40’s we’re great friends. Beth stayed with my wife, Sabira, for a few hours and then we all agreed it was best for Beth to go home, get some rest and wait for the labor contractions to begin. Also, she thought it important that Sabira get whatever rest she could.

The whole night, my wife pre-labored and by sunrise she was exhausted having spent a sleepless night between these strong, long-lasting contractions. By morning, she was pretty depleted. Basically, she suffered all night long, with no rest or relief from the contractions. And to top it off, she showed no signs of the labor progressing, which took a toll on her mentally and emotionally. To make matters worse for her, there was no ‘other worldly’ feeling like she had with our other two kids. She describes the ‘other worldly’ feeling as reaching a deep space of peace, strength and holiness within herself that makes laboring bearable. Without that experience, it was hard for her to track where she was – which just made her worry and tire more.

What was I doing, you may ask. I was staying out of her way as much as I could. At times I checked in on her, but mostly I cleaned, made soup and teas and caught brief cap naps on the kids’ floor.

Around 8am Beth phoned. We talked about how the night went. Sabira shared her experience and I my observations (as useless as they are at this point). And we all decided that it would be best for Beth go to her shop, grab some herbs, homeopathics, and other remedies and head over after she got her kids off to school.

So around 9:45 or so Beth calls me from her shop and we talk about Sabira’s needs. We both assumed that with the hustle of the day, my wife’s labor would slow (which often happens) and that we needed to get her some rest and nutrition so she wouldn’t be too exhausted when her labor picked up again that night. We talked about herbs for slowing labor and brainstormed what she might eat or drink.

But then…

From my office, on the first floor, at the back of the house, I heard my wife make an all too familiar sound. When she is actively pushing a baby out – something I heard a few times already – she makes a very distinct, prolonged sound. It’s not a cry, it’s not a scream…I can’t describe it, but it feels like it’s drawn from the depths of the earth. I just know it when I hear it and it means a baby’s coming. That’s the sound I heard while I was on the phone with Beth.

I immediate hung up with Beth saying simply, “Let me call you back.” In no way did I alarm her of what I heard nor did I suggest she hurry. As far as she knew, I would call her back in a few minutes to finish our conversation.

As I ran through the house and up the stairs my wife sounded again, and I could feel the gathering of energy in our house (yes, it was that palpable). I thought, “What’s going on? I left her 15 minutes ago and she wasn’t actively in labor. How could she be pushing?”

Yet everything changed as I opened the door to our bedroom. There she was, in the middle of contraction bearing down as though she was going push her way to the first floor. When the contraction finished our eyes met and I experienced her disbelief that she was pushing. When I looked down, I saw our baby crowning. And even now she laughs at the look of complete shock on my face. I wasn’t shocked at what I was seeing, but more that she went into active labor apparently out of nowhere.

Remember, my wife had non-progressing pre-labor all night, she was completely depleted. I had just been talking to our midwife about how to get Sabira through the day so she could labor later that night. Now, she’s squatting in a chair, hand pressing against the wall with the crown of the head showing. I was shocked, to say the least.

Immediately I rushed to her. We both knew what was going on, but neither of us were expecting it so quickly. Yet another contraction and she pushed the entire top of the head out to about the eye brows. Now, I’m playing midwife. I gently rub the top of our baby’s head, just feeling for chord and looking for color change that shows good oxygen and blood flow.

Then, in a moment only a birthing woman gets, she looks at me and says, “I need to get in the tub.”

Now we planned on a water birth so we had a huge tub in our bedroom that was full of warm water and ready for her. The tub is actually a Rubbermaid 100 ga. Stock Tank that our midwife has used for years. No kidding, while it sounds odd, it works great. Beth’s found it to be the best option for a birthing tub because it’s deep with very sturdy, plastic sides. Our son, Ahmed, was born in it.

Well, I didn’t know if it was a good idea to walk across the room with the head of baby part-way out but we did it anyhow. And just as she squatted into the tub, another contraction and she pushed the entire head out. We both started crying with such joy. Here we are, together and alone, birthing a baby together.

I gently caressed our baby’s head under the water until the next contraction came that pushed the body about halfway out. I gently held the body as a second, and final, contraction came that pushed our baby fully from my wife’s body. I held our newborn child in my hands and lifted her onto my wife’s chest. In essence, I was the midwife (which by the way means ‘with woman’ not with husband) as I caught our little miracle. In a state of euphoria, I grabbed some towels and blankets to wrap our baby in to stay warm.

At this point, with a little kissing and a few words we shared our joy as well as our shock. Then we thought it a good idea to phone Beth.

As the active part of the birth was probably less than ten (yes, 10) minutes, Beth was still at the store collecting things to support my wife through what we thought would be a long day of pre-labor. So when I phoned her back she had no idea that in the ten minutes or so, we birthed a baby. The phone call went something like this:

“Hey Beth, it’s Dawud,” I said.

“How’s everything going? I’m just about ready to head over. Is there anything else you can think of that would support her,” she asked?

“Hang on…how would you like to hear the sound of a newborn baby,” I asked her?

“What! You’re kidding, right” she said.

“Not kidding. Listen,” I replied, holding the phone out for her to hear my daughter crying.

“No flippin’ way,” she answered stunned, “I be there as fast as I can.”

And driving 95 mph all the way, she was.

Meanwhile, my wife and I sat together with our new little miracle, I moving between the tub and the door to our bedroom where my older two kids, A’esha almost 4 and Ahmed 20 months, were constantly asking whether they could meet their new, baby…wait, we’re almost there. They were so excited, having heard everything that was going on upstairs. They couldn’t contain themselves, yet my Sabira and I decided it was best for them to come up after the placenta was born. So I kept them waiting. But it didn’t stop them from asking every 2 minutes; their little heads poking around the corner of our staircase.

Of course, Beth did arrive, about 15 minutes after the birth. She rushed right upstairs and came in with a huge smile on her face. For a few minutes, we all sat together sharing in our excitement, amazement and shock. Beth and I attended to my wife’s needs, as did Beth’s assistant Laura, her sister who got there shortly after Beth, as well as a close friend of ours, Stacy. We helped her out of the tub and made space for her to birth the placenta – which has it’s own, natural journey. Then clean up, exams, etc… followed by rest and food, etc.

So somewhere around 10:15 am on Monday, November 12 my wife gave birth to our third child, a daughter who we named Laila Amara Miracle. She was born from my wife’s womb into my own hands. She was a robust and healthy 9lbs 8oz at 21 inches long.

My wife turned out to be right about the fast birth. It just didn’t happen like we thought it would. Two weeks later, Laila is quite healthy and is adjusting nicely to the world. A’esha and Ahmed are absolutely in love with her. A’esha asks incessantly to hold her little sister. And Ahmed runs to her whenever she cries, and in his 20 month old voice says, “Don’t cry Laila.” It’s precious.

As with our first two kids, my wife was amazing through all this. Even when she was struggling through pre-labor, she still had such a grounded strength. Women are amazing in birth and I feel so fortunate that my wife and I have chosen a natural, home birth with each of our kids. It’s worked great for everyone involved. And my wife gets to keep absolute control over the influences around giving birth – something neither of us want to ever trade nor give up to someone else. Birth for us is a natural process rather than a medical procedure. We feel doctors and hospitals are only needed if, well, they’re really needed. And we’re thankful they’re there in case they’re needed. And we both pray that it’s not.

So that’s our story. Now, would you like to meet Laila? Well, here she is…

Lovely, isn’t she? Mom says she looks like me. I don’t know. Really, I don’t care. I’m just happy she’s here, with us and is healthy. But gosh, isn’t she cute just laying there, all peaceful (on a full belly of breast milk), those sweet little hands up around her precious face.

Enough already, I know. I just love being a dad…just a bit more than I love getting enough sleep.