As most of you know, my wife and I have been expecting our third child any day now. By our calculations, she’s about 12 days overdue.

Being 12 days overdue would alarm a lot of doctors. But we’re not working with a doctor. As with our first two children, we’re planning a home birth supported by a midwife.

Now my wife and I aren’t granola crunching, tree hugging hippie-types – though she had that stretch in her life before we met. But we do tend to live as natural of a life as we can. We eat almost entirely organic foods and free-range meats. We try to stay away from harmful chemicals, not only in foods, but in the other products that touch our lives as well.

We think of ourselves as conscious parent who create structure and set boundaries for our kids, while remembering that their consciousness is important as well. We had planned to breastfeed all our kids until the age of 2 (which is quite normal) but had stop with both our kids because we got pregnant with the next.

So when it comes to pregnancy and birth, we trust the natural gestation and labor process. We welcome modern medicine where it’s needed, but don’t lean on it like a crutch. If we need medical care, we’ll take it. And luckily, with our first two kids, we’ve not.

One thing we haven’t done with any of our pregnancies is get an ultrasound. Ultrasound can tell you many things – from the health to the sex of the growing baby. And it often can tell us with great accuracy what week of the pregnancy we’re in (maybe you can guess what comes next).

Usually, the duration of pregnancy is based on the number of weeks from the woman’s last period (sorry guys). From that we figure that within 14 days of the last period is when that last ovulation took place and likely when we got pregnant.

So considering that we’re a couple of weeks ‘late’ my wife and I sat down with the calendar she keeps of her cycle and decided to look at what could be going on. Without all the intimate detail, it appears we’ve made a mistake in the timing of when we got pregnant.

Now this might sound odd, but it’s less rare that you might think. Even with all the technology of modern medicine doctors frequently get this wrong. One other huge variable is breastfeeding – which throws the woman’s cycle all over the place. While a woman is breastfeeding, she can have cycles of varying lengths and even skip multiple months.

So what does this all mean?

Well, my wife was breastfeeding when we got pregnant. That means she could have easily ovulated later than 14 days. And with other, rather intimate, signs that happened shortly after – and a few weeks later than when we thought we got pregnant – it clearly appears that we miscalculated the date we got pregnant. Which means…

We miscalculated the date we’re due.

Oops. Once we sat down with all the information we had – including what science knows about getting pregnant and gestation – everything fell into place. Now some of the signs we were experiencing during the past few months make sense – as they didn’t before. And some of the physical signs make sense as well – like how engage the baby is to the birth canal.

So it appears our actual due date is during the first week of November, rather than the second week of October – as we thought.

This means, I’m getting back to work until she goes into labor. It also means that I’ll be taking my paternity leave a little later than I thought. So even though Wendy announced that I was officially on paternity leave, I’m actually not. Not her fault. Not really even our fault. Just the way nature has it set up. We just didn’t read the signs correctly.

So you should see me writing a bit more over the next week or so…and then I’ll take my leave.

I’ve tried pretty hard not to be too graphic or give too many personal details about the process. If I’ve gone a little overboard in my descriptions, I’m sorry. And, this is a topic we know a ton about…so I’m happy to share anything I can about this amazing process.

As always, life is an adventure.

You’ve probably noticed that I’ve not written for a couple of weeks now. Want to know what’s been going on?

Well first, we’re expecting our third child any day now. And I do mean any day. My wife’s due date was the 13th – so we’re more than a week overdue. Neither of us are worried about it…we trust the process. Though, in her words, she’d like to “have this baby already.”

So that’s exciting.

I had planned a paternity leave from Oct 13th to Nov 4th so I didn’t work so much last week. The week prior I was getting all my client work to positions where taking a leave was possible.

What I did last week was make great strides in finishing our major kitchen remodel – which began in late May. We completely demoed our kitchen and dining room – removing walls, and taking both rooms down to the studs and floor joists.

This past week allowed me to get a whole bunch of little details done – things that could go on for a long time without being completed. Now, just a final coat of pain on the ceilings, install a bit of trim and hang our tile backsplash and we’re done – totally done. I’ll be painting tonight – if we don’t have a baby.

So now we have a large, beautiful – highly functional – kitchen with tons of storage and countertop space. Before we had a dinky kitchen attached to a huge dining room. Now, no dining room – just kitchen with eating area. And yes, I did all the work myself – with a couple of friends helping on a few small things. Oh, and while I did the rough electrical, I didn’t tie-in the new circuits – that was left to an electrician. Everything else, though – I did.

Anyhow, that’s where I’ve been.

I’ll likely be blogging on and off over the next few weeks – and specifically once the baby comes. Then I’ll get back to our regularly scheduled program.

Those of you who have been contacting me or just wondering, now you know. And if you knew we were pregnant and wanted to know what’s going on…now you do. Thank you for caring. Talk to you soon…maybe tomorrow.

And pictures of the baby when it arrives…my wife and I are still talking about it. We’ll see.

I can’t tell you how many calls and emails I get from small business owners who have had a bad experience with their web designer or their marketing coach. It seems so common. Maybe 1 in 3 of the people who contact me do so because they’ve not gotten what they’ve needed from the person they’re working with.

In the past ten years, I’ve seen everything: web designers who take the money and run, have ever-increasing project costs, outrageous pricing for simple projects, horrible design (and over design), and just plain rudeness.

With marketing coaches it’s a little better. At least they’re usually nice to their clients. But usually clients call me because they feel ‘boxed in’ by a marketing program. They don’t feel heard, they’re not really getting it, or their coach simply doesn’t get how to effectively translate a marketing message to the internet.

All-in-all, I end up bailing people out.

Now, I’m not complaining. I love the business. And I love helping people who really need my help in using their websites to grow their business. Yet, I’m not happy that they’ve gotten such poor service before they found me. And I’m definitely not pleased that sometimes they’ve been down right taken advantage of.

That’s why I think it’s important that you’re careful about who your hire to help you with your business. Remember, you’re entering into a relationship; one that should help you with your business needs. So to be sure the relationship has a foundation, here’s a few questions you can ask yourself in deciding whether a marketing coach or web designer is a good fit for you:

• Do I like the person?
  Sure, we’re not always a good judge of character. But most of the time you’ll have a sense as to whether you’ll get along with someone. Even the best marketing coaches have personality ticks (as we all do). And sometimes those ticks don’t jive with our own. So don’t work with someone who you’re not sure you can get along with – regardless of how successful they are or what your friends say.
• Can we communicate clearly with each other?
  Don’t overlook this one. Relationships are built on communication. If you and your web designer or marketing coach don’t communicate well, don’t even consider working together. The frustration and misunderstandings you’ll have will just cost you headache and time. You need to find someone who you understand…and who understands you.
• Do they care about my business?
  Okay, seems trite. But there’s a difference between the web designer who’s just designing another website and the one who takes a real interest in what you do. The former is just doing their job to make a buck – which isn’t wrong by any means. The latter is certainly interested in making a buck. Yet they also take a sincere interest in your success. And you want to work with someone who wants you to succeed.
• Do we share a common vision about how my business growth?
  You know your business. You may not have crystal clarity around it, but you do know what you do. Your coach needs to clearly understand your vision. They should listen and clearly understand what it is you do and then help you refine your branding, your approach, your message, etc. They need to add to your already developed vision, not take from it.
• Am I just a number?
  There’s a lot of programs out there – both for web design and for marketing and business development – that sort of cookie cut the process. Often, these materials or courses can be highly helpful. But some miss the point of really helping your individual needs. Know yourself and what you need. If you thrive by reading a book or working in a group environment, buy the book or take the course. But if you’re someone that benefits most from one-on-one help, spend your time and money getting one-on-one help from a coach, consultant or web designer
• Can I learn what they have to teach me?
  We all have things to teach each other. The question is whether we can learn from each other? Take the time to find out if you can learn what they have to teach. Your web designer may know code up the yin-yang. But do you really need to learn it? And your marketing coach may be an amazing copywriter. But can they teach what they know in a way you can learn? Whoever you work with, make sure you can learn what they have to teach in the way they teach it.
• Can I afford to work with them?
  The old adage is true – you need to spend money to make money. I’ve found that to be true. So the question you want to ask yourself isn’t whether to spend money – if you’re building a business you need to spend money. Just be sure you have a budget. And also try to get clear what sort of return you can get on your investment. Spending money that doesn’t return is one thing. But your budget might be a little different if you consider that what you spend is an investment that can be returned on. Don’t be afraid to spend, just be sure not to overextend yourself.
• Can they really help me?
  This is really the bottom-line question. You want to know inside yourself that the people you hire to help you with your business really can help you with your business. It doesn’t matter so much what they can do. What matters is can they do it for you? And can you mesh together to create a successful relationship that will help you solve your business needs.

Someone once told me that a teacher isn’t just someone who knows some things. A teacher, to deserve that title, needs to be able to teach you in a way that you can gain from their knowledge. Otherwise, they’re not a teacher at all; they’re just someone who knows some stuff.

I feel the same way about the people who you work with on your business. Be sure that you can really gain from your web designer or marketing coach. Ask questions and get to know the person, even if it requires a few conversations. If they’re not willing to meet your needs before you hire them, what makes you think that’s going to change once you do?

I’d love to hear about your experiences with a web designer or your coach. And if you have a good one, feel free to link to them in the comment box.Â

Boy do Liz and I have an interesting conversation going on about relationships.

My last question to her, if you recall, was how has your blog changed the way you think about relationships? She titled her response: I Knew Everything about Relationships Until an Audience Came. You’ve gotta take a read. Here’s an excerpt:

I don’t think about relationships anymore. I see the people I have relationships with and the incredible differences they make. I see the changes we make in each other.

Of course, she passed a great question right back to me when she asked:

Do you see a difference between your online relationships and those offline — beyond the obvious physical differences?

Without a doubt!

One of the most interesting differences, for me, has been how easy it’s been to get to know absolute strangers. Just from blogging I now have a number of people I’d call friends. People like Chris, Wendy, Char, Lorelle, Ed, Ben, Mike and Mike, David and David, Gayla, Phil, Kammie, Easton and Tony, to name a few. Most I’ve met in person. And all I stay in touch with by phone or email on some sort of regular basis (sorry I’ve been out of touch a bit lately, David).

What’s really neat is that they each live in different places. And I didn’t know any of them before I was blogging. Same with Liz…one day, some months back, I got an email message saying, “I’m calling you at 2pm today.” Then she did, we talked and we’ve not stopped since.

I’m pretty certain that without my blog I’d not know any of these folks. Yet we each have things in common that bring us together. Each one of them (and many of you) have enriched my life in different ways. I feel fortunate to call them all friends.

And that’s where the internet, and the blogosphere specifically, continues to amaze me. Through my blog, I’ve met such good, caring, interesting and quality people. We may live thousands of miles apart, but we’re neighbors in the blogosphere.

So what brings us together in the first place? In each relationship it’s a little different. Yet a common denominator is that we have similar interests. Those interests bring us together. It gives us a ground to share what we know and what we love with each other. Combine that with wanting to meet interesting people and you have a formula for building relationships that extend beyond the blogosphere.

Now that’s not to say that the people I’ve met blogging have replaced friends I’ve already had. Not at all. Rather, it’s just expanded my circle of friends. And that circle keeps getting larger.

And you know, you’re a part of that circle as well. Yeah, I do mean you. Without you, I’m not sure I’d still be blogging. I’m blogging to start conversations and build relationships. So without you, without your interest, your readership, your comments, your sticking around to get to know me, none of this would be possible. Okay, maybe it’s be possible, but it sure wouldn’t be worthwhile. So thank you.

So please, drop me a line some time and introduce yourself. And we’ve already met, don’t be a stranger. I love hearing from you.

And there you have the difference, as I see it, between online and offline relationships. How could I invite a bunch of people I don’t know to start a relationship without my blog? And then give you the time to respond whenever and however you like…if at all?

Of course you should know by now that my goal is to turn my online relationships into offline relationships. And that happens organically. So I have to ask you, how have your online relationships differed from your offline ones? Let’s talk about it in the comment box.

You know Liz and I keep going back-and-forth in this one2one conversation. Remember, you can join in the conversation on either of our blogs as well. So when I ask Liz this question, I’m also asking you:

What’s the oddest beginning to a relationship that you’ve developed through your blog?

You can look for Liz’s response on Thursday. But we don’t have to wait til then to talk about it…

It’s funny how sometimes things just jump up to make themselves obvious.

Yesterday I share my opinions on what to do when a commenter isn’t hearing your correctly. The conversation that arose was interesting and stimulating about how our commenters can sometimes take us out of context or comment on things we didn’t say. What I didn’t consider was that it extends beyond the comment box as well.

A short time ago I wrote a post that I titled, Are You Thinking Outside The Box. The point of the post was to open the awareness that we really can’t live outside the box. Even if we believe we are, we’re not really. Why? Because there is no such thing as living outside ‘the box.’ It’s a made up idea; a buzz phrase to help us express that we’re thinking differently than everyone else. And that’s fine. But it’s not true.
[ continue reading & share your thoughts → ]

My friend Sujan Patel posted this video last week.

I normally wouldn’t share something that’s this vulgar with you, but I think it goes a long way to showing the price we pay for using Digg. Boy can the comment box get interesting.

What’s been your experience?

Did you all catch Liz’s last installment of our one2one conversation? It was great. I asked her , “What have you thought would work on your blog that bombed with your readers? And what did you learn from it?” Her answer was a lovely example of how the blogosphere works.

If you need a reminder, Liz Strauss and I are having a one2one conversation across our blogs. First, Liz posts a question to me that I answer on my blog which I, in turn, end with a question for her which she answers on her blog. It’s that simple, really. Of course we’re not selfish…you’re invited into the conversation as well. Think about it as all of us meeting up at the local coffee shop for a discussion – every Monday and Thursday.

And boy did she ask me a great one this week:

What do you do when a commenter seems to misinterpret what you’re saying no matter how hard you try to explain what you mean?

I’ve certainly had this happen to me. I can think of a few occasions where what I’ve tried to say in my post gets taken out of context or simply misunderstood.

I’m actually surprised this doesn’t happen more often. It’s easy enough to misunderstand someone when they’re talking to you in person and can hear your inflections and see your body language. Just think about how often we misunderstand what our spouses are saying.

Writing leaves even more to interpretation because we’re not directly with our readers. They can’t see our bodies or hear our voices to know where we’re putting emphasis. So it can be so easy to misinterpret something written – especially around around hot and touchy topics where a commenter might feel charged.

How have I handled this?

For me, it’s part of the conversation. So I consider it with every other comment. First, I try to restate my perspective, writing directly to the commenter who I feel misinterpreted what I wrote. Then I wait for their reply. Sometimes I’ll even email them to let them know I’ve replied and wait for theirs. If we’re still missing each other, there’s a few things I might do, each depending on the circumstances:

1. Remember, it’s you too. Communication goes two ways. If a commenter just isn’t getting you, sure it’s about them. But not fully. You share some responsibility in them not getting you as well. Not only is it your blog, your writing and your comment box, it’s also your ways of expressing yourself – which aren’t always clear to other people. So just keep that in mind as you proceed.
2. Keep trying. I find it’s best, whenever possible, to keep the conversation happening in the comment box. I want readers to feel that they have the freedom to express themselves here – even if they have the opposing views. I certainly don’t know everything. And my readers have definitely taught me a few things (thanks, btw).
3. Put out the fire. Sometimes when you’re not getting each other, the conversation turns spicy. Rather than either of you bridging the gap – it just gets wider. This can lead to heated debate – which can often be very interesting. But if it turns negative, I suggest putting out the fire. Most often you can do this with a benign comment or an email.
4. Politely ignore them. Even when you put out the fire some commenters will continue. I usually just give them the space to vent their feelings and know that they’ll calm at some point. A great way to give them space is to politely ignore their comments. Acknowledge them, but don’t write anything that would encourage a response.
5. Eat crow. Sometimes you just need to take the punch. Don’t reply in any way that would confrontational. Allow the commenter to believe they’re right. Thank them and let them know that they’ve opened your eyes to something you need to think about. Doesn’t mean you have to agree, but at least it doesn’t need to become an argument.
6. Pick up the phone. This is all about conversation leading to relationships, right? So why not take the next step and phone the person. Most of the time, you won’t be locked into a battle, you’ll just be missing each other. So give them a call. Spending a few minutes on the phone can clear things right up. Seldom have I found this not to work. And even if you end up agreeing to disagree, you’ve made one heck of an impression. The fact that you care enough about your readers to phone them about their comments…think about the message that sends.

I always try to remember that it’s a person on the other end of the comment box. They have experience, thoughts and feeling that are just as valuable to them as mine are to me. Just because we’re not communicating well, doesn’t make one of us less than the other. Rather it makes for an interesting adventure as we get to know each other. And knowing each other is the point.
One thing I don’t recommend, really under and circumstances, is flaming someone on your blog. I just can’t see a need or reason to trash someone who you probably don’t know all too well. If you’ve written something on your blog that just doesn’t jive with people, then it doesn’t jive. Be honest about it and move on. If someone attacks you for it, is really worth going to war with them just to prove your point?

Just look at what happened to Liz. Was there any reason for her to be treated like that? I don’t think so. Better that she learn through politeness and compassion than through fire, I think. What do you think?

Oh, and while we’re talking about Liz, I’ve got a question for both of you:

How has your blog changed the way you think of relationships?