You all know by now that my wife and I messed up on our due date. Seems odd, even interesting – yet it’s more common than you might think.

Of course that wasn’t the most interesting part of the past month. The most interesting part are the events that led to me catching a birthing baby. So let’s get right into that…

On Sunday evening, November 11th, my wife began pre-labor right around sunset. So we finished dinner (I cleaned up), I dropped our two kids in a bath and got them off to bed. Meanwhile, my wife settled into her now familiar labor patterns – being left alone, in a dark room and moving between the bed and the tub.

Now my wife thought all along that our this child, our third, would birth quickly. Of course, we also thought my wife would have given birth a month ago at this point so who knows. Either way, she was going through her process.

We called our midwife, Beth, after I got the kids down for the night and things settled in our home. Beth came over and confirmed that the contractions my wife was having were pre-labor. We both adore Beth – she’s been attending births since she was 16 and has an absolutely incredible understanding of women in pregnancy and the birthing process. And now in her 40′s we’re great friends. Beth stayed with my wife, Sabira, for a few hours and then we all agreed it was best for Beth to go home, get some rest and wait for the labor contractions to begin. Also, she thought it important that Sabira get whatever rest she could.

The whole night, my wife pre-labored and by sunrise she was exhausted having spent a sleepless night between these strong, long-lasting contractions. By morning, she was pretty depleted. Basically, she suffered all night long, with no rest or relief from the contractions. And to top it off, she showed no signs of the labor progressing, which took a toll on her mentally and emotionally. To make matters worse for her, there was no ‘other worldly’ feeling like she had with our other two kids. She describes the ‘other worldly’ feeling as reaching a deep space of peace, strength and holiness within herself that makes laboring bearable. Without that experience, it was hard for her to track where she was – which just made her worry and tire more.

What was I doing, you may ask. I was staying out of her way as much as I could. At times I checked in on her, but mostly I cleaned, made soup and teas and caught brief cap naps on the kids’ floor.

Around 8am Beth phoned. We talked about how the night went. Sabira shared her experience and I my observations (as useless as they are at this point). And we all decided that it would be best for Beth go to her shop, grab some herbs, homeopathics, and other remedies and head over after she got her kids off to school.

So around 9:45 or so Beth calls me from her shop and we talk about Sabira’s needs. We both assumed that with the hustle of the day, my wife’s labor would slow (which often happens) and that we needed to get her some rest and nutrition so she wouldn’t be too exhausted when her labor picked up again that night. We talked about herbs for slowing labor and brainstormed what she might eat or drink.

But then…

From my office, on the first floor, at the back of the house, I heard my wife make an all too familiar sound. When she is actively pushing a baby out – something I heard a few times already – she makes a very distinct, prolonged sound. It’s not a cry, it’s not a scream…I can’t describe it, but it feels like it’s drawn from the depths of the earth. I just know it when I hear it and it means a baby’s coming. That’s the sound I heard while I was on the phone with Beth.

I immediate hung up with Beth saying simply, “Let me call you back.” In no way did I alarm her of what I heard nor did I suggest she hurry. As far as she knew, I would call her back in a few minutes to finish our conversation.

As I ran through the house and up the stairs my wife sounded again, and I could feel the gathering of energy in our house (yes, it was that palpable). I thought, “What’s going on? I left her 15 minutes ago and she wasn’t actively in labor. How could she be pushing?”

Yet everything changed as I opened the door to our bedroom. There she was, in the middle of contraction bearing down as though she was going push her way to the first floor. When the contraction finished our eyes met and I experienced her disbelief that she was pushing. When I looked down, I saw our baby crowning. And even now she laughs at the look of complete shock on my face. I wasn’t shocked at what I was seeing, but more that she went into active labor apparently out of nowhere.

Remember, my wife had non-progressing pre-labor all night, she was completely depleted. I had just been talking to our midwife about how to get Sabira through the day so she could labor later that night. Now, she’s squatting in a chair, hand pressing against the wall with the crown of the head showing. I was shocked, to say the least.

Immediately I rushed to her. We both knew what was going on, but neither of us were expecting it so quickly. Yet another contraction and she pushed the entire top of the head out to about the eye brows. Now, I’m playing midwife. I gently rub the top of our baby’s head, just feeling for chord and looking for color change that shows good oxygen and blood flow.

Then, in a moment only a birthing woman gets, she looks at me and says, “I need to get in the tub.”

Now we planned on a water birth so we had a huge tub in our bedroom that was full of warm water and ready for her. The tub is actually a Rubbermaid 100 ga. Stock Tank that our midwife has used for years. No kidding, while it sounds odd, it works great. Beth’s found it to be the best option for a birthing tub because it’s deep with very sturdy, plastic sides. Our son, Ahmed, was born in it.

Well, I didn’t know if it was a good idea to walk across the room with the head of baby part-way out but we did it anyhow. And just as she squatted into the tub, another contraction and she pushed the entire head out. We both started crying with such joy. Here we are, together and alone, birthing a baby together.

I gently caressed our baby’s head under the water until the next contraction came that pushed the body about halfway out. I gently held the body as a second, and final, contraction came that pushed our baby fully from my wife’s body. I held our newborn child in my hands and lifted her onto my wife’s chest. In essence, I was the midwife (which by the way means ‘with woman’ not with husband) as I caught our little miracle. In a state of euphoria, I grabbed some towels and blankets to wrap our baby in to stay warm.

At this point, with a little kissing and a few words we shared our joy as well as our shock. Then we thought it a good idea to phone Beth.

As the active part of the birth was probably less than ten (yes, 10) minutes, Beth was still at the store collecting things to support my wife through what we thought would be a long day of pre-labor. So when I phoned her back she had no idea that in the ten minutes or so, we birthed a baby. The phone call went something like this:

“Hey Beth, it’s Dawud,” I said.

“How’s everything going? I’m just about ready to head over. Is there anything else you can think of that would support her,” she asked?

“Hang on…how would you like to hear the sound of a newborn baby,” I asked her?

“What! You’re kidding, right” she said.

“Not kidding. Listen,” I replied, holding the phone out for her to hear my daughter crying.

“No flippin’ way,” she answered stunned, “I be there as fast as I can.”

And driving 95 mph all the way, she was.

Meanwhile, my wife and I sat together with our new little miracle, I moving between the tub and the door to our bedroom where my older two kids, A’esha almost 4 and Ahmed 20 months, were constantly asking whether they could meet their new, baby…wait, we’re almost there. They were so excited, having heard everything that was going on upstairs. They couldn’t contain themselves, yet my Sabira and I decided it was best for them to come up after the placenta was born. So I kept them waiting. But it didn’t stop them from asking every 2 minutes; their little heads poking around the corner of our staircase.

Of course, Beth did arrive, about 15 minutes after the birth. She rushed right upstairs and came in with a huge smile on her face. For a few minutes, we all sat together sharing in our excitement, amazement and shock. Beth and I attended to my wife’s needs, as did Beth’s assistant Laura, her sister who got there shortly after Beth, as well as a close friend of ours, Stacy. We helped her out of the tub and made space for her to birth the placenta – which has it’s own, natural journey. Then clean up, exams, etc… followed by rest and food, etc.

So somewhere around 10:15 am on Monday, November 12 my wife gave birth to our third child, a daughter who we named Laila Amara Miracle. She was born from my wife’s womb into my own hands. She was a robust and healthy 9lbs 8oz at 21 inches long.

My wife turned out to be right about the fast birth. It just didn’t happen like we thought it would. Two weeks later, Laila is quite healthy and is adjusting nicely to the world. A’esha and Ahmed are absolutely in love with her. A’esha asks incessantly to hold her little sister. And Ahmed runs to her whenever she cries, and in his 20 month old voice says, “Don’t cry Laila.” It’s precious.

As with our first two kids, my wife was amazing through all this. Even when she was struggling through pre-labor, she still had such a grounded strength. Women are amazing in birth and I feel so fortunate that my wife and I have chosen a natural, home birth with each of our kids. It’s worked great for everyone involved. And my wife gets to keep absolute control over the influences around giving birth – something neither of us want to ever trade nor give up to someone else. Birth for us is a natural process rather than a medical procedure. We feel doctors and hospitals are only needed if, well, they’re really needed. And we’re thankful they’re there in case they’re needed. And we both pray that it’s not.

So that’s our story. Now, would you like to meet Laila? Well, here she is…

Lovely, isn’t she? Mom says she looks like me. I don’t know. Really, I don’t care. I’m just happy she’s here, with us and is healthy. But gosh, isn’t she cute just laying there, all peaceful (on a full belly of breast milk), those sweet little hands up around her precious face.

Enough already, I know. I just love being a dad…just a bit more than I love getting enough sleep.

As most of you know, my wife and I have been expecting our third child any day now. By our calculations, she’s about 12 days overdue.

Being 12 days overdue would alarm a lot of doctors. But we’re not working with a doctor. As with our first two children, we’re planning a home birth supported by a midwife.

Now my wife and I aren’t granola crunching, tree hugging hippie-types – though she had that stretch in her life before we met. But we do tend to live as natural of a life as we can. We eat almost entirely organic foods and free-range meats. We try to stay away from harmful chemicals, not only in foods, but in the other products that touch our lives as well.

We think of ourselves as conscious parent who create structure and set boundaries for our kids, while remembering that their consciousness is important as well. We had planned to breastfeed all our kids until the age of 2 (which is quite normal) but had stop with both our kids because we got pregnant with the next.

So when it comes to pregnancy and birth, we trust the natural gestation and labor process. We welcome modern medicine where it’s needed, but don’t lean on it like a crutch. If we need medical care, we’ll take it. And luckily, with our first two kids, we’ve not.

One thing we haven’t done with any of our pregnancies is get an ultrasound. Ultrasound can tell you many things – from the health to the sex of the growing baby. And it often can tell us with great accuracy what week of the pregnancy we’re in (maybe you can guess what comes next).

Usually, the duration of pregnancy is based on the number of weeks from the woman’s last period (sorry guys). From that we figure that within 14 days of the last period is when that last ovulation took place and likely when we got pregnant.

So considering that we’re a couple of weeks ‘late’ my wife and I sat down with the calendar she keeps of her cycle and decided to look at what could be going on. Without all the intimate detail, it appears we’ve made a mistake in the timing of when we got pregnant.

Now this might sound odd, but it’s less rare that you might think. Even with all the technology of modern medicine doctors frequently get this wrong. One other huge variable is breastfeeding – which throws the woman’s cycle all over the place. While a woman is breastfeeding, she can have cycles of varying lengths and even skip multiple months.

So what does this all mean?

Well, my wife was breastfeeding when we got pregnant. That means she could have easily ovulated later than 14 days. And with other, rather intimate, signs that happened shortly after – and a few weeks later than when we thought we got pregnant – it clearly appears that we miscalculated the date we got pregnant. Which means…

We miscalculated the date we’re due.

Oops. Once we sat down with all the information we had – including what science knows about getting pregnant and gestation – everything fell into place. Now some of the signs we were experiencing during the past few months make sense – as they didn’t before. And some of the physical signs make sense as well – like how engage the baby is to the birth canal.

So it appears our actual due date is during the first week of November, rather than the second week of October – as we thought.

This means, I’m getting back to work until she goes into labor. It also means that I’ll be taking my paternity leave a little later than I thought. So even though Wendy announced that I was officially on paternity leave, I’m actually not. Not her fault. Not really even our fault. Just the way nature has it set up. We just didn’t read the signs correctly.

So you should see me writing a bit more over the next week or so…and then I’ll take my leave.

I’ve tried pretty hard not to be too graphic or give too many personal details about the process. If I’ve gone a little overboard in my descriptions, I’m sorry. And, this is a topic we know a ton about…so I’m happy to share anything I can about this amazing process.

As always, life is an adventure.

You’ve probably noticed that I’ve not written for a couple of weeks now. Want to know what’s been going on?

Well first, we’re expecting our third child any day now. And I do mean any day. My wife’s due date was the 13th – so we’re more than a week overdue. Neither of us are worried about it…we trust the process. Though, in her words, she’d like to “have this baby already.”

So that’s exciting.

I had planned a paternity leave from Oct 13th to Nov 4th so I didn’t work so much last week. The week prior I was getting all my client work to positions where taking a leave was possible.

What I did last week was make great strides in finishing our major kitchen remodel – which began in late May. We completely demoed our kitchen and dining room – removing walls, and taking both rooms down to the studs and floor joists.

This past week allowed me to get a whole bunch of little details done – things that could go on for a long time without being completed. Now, just a final coat of pain on the ceilings, install a bit of trim and hang our tile backsplash and we’re done – totally done. I’ll be painting tonight – if we don’t have a baby.

So now we have a large, beautiful – highly functional – kitchen with tons of storage and countertop space. Before we had a dinky kitchen attached to a huge dining room. Now, no dining room – just kitchen with eating area. And yes, I did all the work myself – with a couple of friends helping on a few small things. Oh, and while I did the rough electrical, I didn’t tie-in the new circuits – that was left to an electrician. Everything else, though – I did.

Anyhow, that’s where I’ve been.

I’ll likely be blogging on and off over the next few weeks – and specifically once the baby comes. Then I’ll get back to our regularly scheduled program.

Those of you who have been contacting me or just wondering, now you know. And if you knew we were pregnant and wanted to know what’s going on…now you do. Thank you for caring. Talk to you soon…maybe tomorrow.

And pictures of the baby when it arrives…my wife and I are still talking about it. We’ll see.

I can’t tell you how many calls and emails I get from small business owners who have had a bad experience with their web designer or their marketing coach. It seems so common. Maybe 1 in 3 of the people who contact me do so because they’ve not gotten what they’ve needed from the person they’re working with.

In the past ten years, I’ve seen everything: web designers who take the money and run, have ever-increasing project costs, outrageous pricing for simple projects, horrible design (and over design), and just plain rudeness.

With marketing coaches it’s a little better. At least they’re usually nice to their clients. But usually clients call me because they feel ‘boxed in’ by a marketing program. They don’t feel heard, they’re not really getting it, or their coach simply doesn’t get how to effectively translate a marketing message to the internet.

All-in-all, I end up bailing people out.

Now, I’m not complaining. I love the business. And I love helping people who really need my help in using their websites to grow their business. Yet, I’m not happy that they’ve gotten such poor service before they found me. And I’m definitely not pleased that sometimes they’ve been down right taken advantage of.

That’s why I think it’s important that you’re careful about who your hire to help you with your business. Remember, you’re entering into a relationship; one that should help you with your business needs. So to be sure the relationship has a foundation, here’s a few questions you can ask yourself in deciding whether a marketing coach or web designer is a good fit for you:

• Do I like the person?
  Sure, we’re not always a good judge of character. But most of the time you’ll have a sense as to whether you’ll get along with someone. Even the best marketing coaches have personality ticks (as we all do). And sometimes those ticks don’t jive with our own. So don’t work with someone who you’re not sure you can get along with – regardless of how successful they are or what your friends say.
• Can we communicate clearly with each other?
  Don’t overlook this one. Relationships are built on communication. If you and your web designer or marketing coach don’t communicate well, don’t even consider working together. The frustration and misunderstandings you’ll have will just cost you headache and time. You need to find someone who you understand…and who understands you.
• Do they care about my business?
  Okay, seems trite. But there’s a difference between the web designer who’s just designing another website and the one who takes a real interest in what you do. The former is just doing their job to make a buck – which isn’t wrong by any means. The latter is certainly interested in making a buck. Yet they also take a sincere interest in your success. And you want to work with someone who wants you to succeed.
• Do we share a common vision about how my business growth?
  You know your business. You may not have crystal clarity around it, but you do know what you do. Your coach needs to clearly understand your vision. They should listen and clearly understand what it is you do and then help you refine your branding, your approach, your message, etc. They need to add to your already developed vision, not take from it.
• Am I just a number?
  There’s a lot of programs out there – both for web design and for marketing and business development – that sort of cookie cut the process. Often, these materials or courses can be highly helpful. But some miss the point of really helping your individual needs. Know yourself and what you need. If you thrive by reading a book or working in a group environment, buy the book or take the course. But if you’re someone that benefits most from one-on-one help, spend your time and money getting one-on-one help from a coach, consultant or web designer
• Can I learn what they have to teach me?
  We all have things to teach each other. The question is whether we can learn from each other? Take the time to find out if you can learn what they have to teach. Your web designer may know code up the yin-yang. But do you really need to learn it? And your marketing coach may be an amazing copywriter. But can they teach what they know in a way you can learn? Whoever you work with, make sure you can learn what they have to teach in the way they teach it.
• Can I afford to work with them?
  The old adage is true – you need to spend money to make money. I’ve found that to be true. So the question you want to ask yourself isn’t whether to spend money – if you’re building a business you need to spend money. Just be sure you have a budget. And also try to get clear what sort of return you can get on your investment. Spending money that doesn’t return is one thing. But your budget might be a little different if you consider that what you spend is an investment that can be returned on. Don’t be afraid to spend, just be sure not to overextend yourself.
• Can they really help me?
  This is really the bottom-line question. You want to know inside yourself that the people you hire to help you with your business really can help you with your business. It doesn’t matter so much what they can do. What matters is can they do it for you? And can you mesh together to create a successful relationship that will help you solve your business needs.

Someone once told me that a teacher isn’t just someone who knows some things. A teacher, to deserve that title, needs to be able to teach you in a way that you can gain from their knowledge. Otherwise, they’re not a teacher at all; they’re just someone who knows some stuff.

I feel the same way about the people who you work with on your business. Be sure that you can really gain from your web designer or marketing coach. Ask questions and get to know the person, even if it requires a few conversations. If they’re not willing to meet your needs before you hire them, what makes you think that’s going to change once you do?

I’d love to hear about your experiences with a web designer or your coach. And if you have a good one, feel free to link to them in the comment box.Â

Boy do Liz and I have an interesting conversation going on about relationships.

My last question to her, if you recall, was how has your blog changed the way you think about relationships? She titled her response: I Knew Everything about Relationships Until an Audience Came. You’ve gotta take a read. Here’s an excerpt:

I don’t think about relationships anymore. I see the people I have relationships with and the incredible differences they make. I see the changes we make in each other.

Of course, she passed a great question right back to me when she asked:

Do you see a difference between your online relationships and those offline — beyond the obvious physical differences?

Without a doubt!

One of the most interesting differences, for me, has been how easy it’s been to get to know absolute strangers. Just from blogging I now have a number of people I’d call friends. People like Chris, Wendy, Char, Lorelle, Ed, Ben, Mike and Mike, David and David, Gayla, Phil, Kammie, Easton and Tony, to name a few. Most I’ve met in person. And all I stay in touch with by phone or email on some sort of regular basis (sorry I’ve been out of touch a bit lately, David).

What’s really neat is that they each live in different places. And I didn’t know any of them before I was blogging. Same with Liz…one day, some months back, I got an email message saying, “I’m calling you at 2pm today.” Then she did, we talked and we’ve not stopped since.

I’m pretty certain that without my blog I’d not know any of these folks. Yet we each have things in common that bring us together. Each one of them (and many of you) have enriched my life in different ways. I feel fortunate to call them all friends.

And that’s where the internet, and the blogosphere specifically, continues to amaze me. Through my blog, I’ve met such good, caring, interesting and quality people. We may live thousands of miles apart, but we’re neighbors in the blogosphere.

So what brings us together in the first place? In each relationship it’s a little different. Yet a common denominator is that we have similar interests. Those interests bring us together. It gives us a ground to share what we know and what we love with each other. Combine that with wanting to meet interesting people and you have a formula for building relationships that extend beyond the blogosphere.

Now that’s not to say that the people I’ve met blogging have replaced friends I’ve already had. Not at all. Rather, it’s just expanded my circle of friends. And that circle keeps getting larger.

And you know, you’re a part of that circle as well. Yeah, I do mean you. Without you, I’m not sure I’d still be blogging. I’m blogging to start conversations and build relationships. So without you, without your interest, your readership, your comments, your sticking around to get to know me, none of this would be possible. Okay, maybe it’s be possible, but it sure wouldn’t be worthwhile. So thank you.

So please, drop me a line some time and introduce yourself. And we’ve already met, don’t be a stranger. I love hearing from you.

And there you have the difference, as I see it, between online and offline relationships. How could I invite a bunch of people I don’t know to start a relationship without my blog? And then give you the time to respond whenever and however you like…if at all?

Of course you should know by now that my goal is to turn my online relationships into offline relationships. And that happens organically. So I have to ask you, how have your online relationships differed from your offline ones? Let’s talk about it in the comment box.

You know Liz and I keep going back-and-forth in this one2one conversation. Remember, you can join in the conversation on either of our blogs as well. So when I ask Liz this question, I’m also asking you:

What’s the oddest beginning to a relationship that you’ve developed through your blog?

You can look for Liz’s response on Thursday. But we don’t have to wait til then to talk about it…

It’s funny how sometimes things just jump up to make themselves obvious.

Yesterday I share my opinions on what to do when a commenter isn’t hearing your correctly. The conversation that arose was interesting and stimulating about how our commenters can sometimes take us out of context or comment on things we didn’t say. What I didn’t consider was that it extends beyond the comment box as well.

A short time ago I wrote a post that I titled, Are You Thinking Outside The Box. The point of the post was to open the awareness that we really can’t live outside the box. Even if we believe we are, we’re not really. Why? Because there is no such thing as living outside ‘the box.’ It’s a made up idea; a buzz phrase to help us express that we’re thinking differently than everyone else. And that’s fine. But it’s not true.
[ continue reading & share your thoughts → ]

My friend Sujan Patel posted this video last week.

I normally wouldn’t share something that’s this vulgar with you, but I think it goes a long way to showing the price we pay for using Digg. Boy can the comment box get interesting.

What’s been your experience?