Did you all catch Liz’s last installment of our one2one conversation? It was great. I asked her , “What have you thought would work on your blog that bombed with your readers? And what did you learn from it?” Her answer was a lovely example of how the blogosphere works.

If you need a reminder, Liz Strauss and I are having a one2one conversation across our blogs. First, Liz posts a question to me that I answer on my blog which I, in turn, end with a question for her which she answers on her blog. It’s that simple, really. Of course we’re not selfish…you’re invited into the conversation as well. Think about it as all of us meeting up at the local coffee shop for a discussion – every Monday and Thursday.

And boy did she ask me a great one this week:

What do you do when a commenter seems to misinterpret what you’re saying no matter how hard you try to explain what you mean?

I’ve certainly had this happen to me. I can think of a few occasions where what I’ve tried to say in my post gets taken out of context or simply misunderstood.

I’m actually surprised this doesn’t happen more often. It’s easy enough to misunderstand someone when they’re talking to you in person and can hear your inflections and see your body language. Just think about how often we misunderstand what our spouses are saying.

Writing leaves even more to interpretation because we’re not directly with our readers. They can’t see our bodies or hear our voices to know where we’re putting emphasis. So it can be so easy to misinterpret something written – especially around around hot and touchy topics where a commenter might feel charged.

How have I handled this?

For me, it’s part of the conversation. So I consider it with every other comment. First, I try to restate my perspective, writing directly to the commenter who I feel misinterpreted what I wrote. Then I wait for their reply. Sometimes I’ll even email them to let them know I’ve replied and wait for theirs. If we’re still missing each other, there’s a few things I might do, each depending on the circumstances:

1. Remember, it’s you too. Communication goes two ways. If a commenter just isn’t getting you, sure it’s about them. But not fully. You share some responsibility in them not getting you as well. Not only is it your blog, your writing and your comment box, it’s also your ways of expressing yourself – which aren’t always clear to other people. So just keep that in mind as you proceed.
2. Keep trying. I find it’s best, whenever possible, to keep the conversation happening in the comment box. I want readers to feel that they have the freedom to express themselves here – even if they have the opposing views. I certainly don’t know everything. And my readers have definitely taught me a few things (thanks, btw).
3. Put out the fire. Sometimes when you’re not getting each other, the conversation turns spicy. Rather than either of you bridging the gap – it just gets wider. This can lead to heated debate – which can often be very interesting. But if it turns negative, I suggest putting out the fire. Most often you can do this with a benign comment or an email.
4. Politely ignore them. Even when you put out the fire some commenters will continue. I usually just give them the space to vent their feelings and know that they’ll calm at some point. A great way to give them space is to politely ignore their comments. Acknowledge them, but don’t write anything that would encourage a response.
5. Eat crow. Sometimes you just need to take the punch. Don’t reply in any way that would confrontational. Allow the commenter to believe they’re right. Thank them and let them know that they’ve opened your eyes to something you need to think about. Doesn’t mean you have to agree, but at least it doesn’t need to become an argument.
6. Pick up the phone. This is all about conversation leading to relationships, right? So why not take the next step and phone the person. Most of the time, you won’t be locked into a battle, you’ll just be missing each other. So give them a call. Spending a few minutes on the phone can clear things right up. Seldom have I found this not to work. And even if you end up agreeing to disagree, you’ve made one heck of an impression. The fact that you care enough about your readers to phone them about their comments…think about the message that sends.

I always try to remember that it’s a person on the other end of the comment box. They have experience, thoughts and feeling that are just as valuable to them as mine are to me. Just because we’re not communicating well, doesn’t make one of us less than the other. Rather it makes for an interesting adventure as we get to know each other. And knowing each other is the point.
One thing I don’t recommend, really under and circumstances, is flaming someone on your blog. I just can’t see a need or reason to trash someone who you probably don’t know all too well. If you’ve written something on your blog that just doesn’t jive with people, then it doesn’t jive. Be honest about it and move on. If someone attacks you for it, is really worth going to war with them just to prove your point?

Just look at what happened to Liz. Was there any reason for her to be treated like that? I don’t think so. Better that she learn through politeness and compassion than through fire, I think. What do you think?

Oh, and while we’re talking about Liz, I’ve got a question for both of you:

How has your blog changed the way you think of relationships?

People want to do business with people – not businesses.

A few business owners seem to get this. But don’t seem to get it, though. It makes me wonder how business owners see themselves relating to their target audience.

Perhaps that’s the first mistake…target audience. What image do you create when you hear the term target audience? For me, I’m looking off the deck of a boat at an expansive sea whose swells ebb and flow. What I don’t see are the individual drops of water that make up the sea. In other words, I don’t see the individual people in the term target audience. I can’t imagine I’m alone.

Most marketing copy I read today does one of two things: It either tells me all about what ‘you can do for me;’ or it tries to make me identify the problems I face. Both work to some degree. The former by being straight forward in what we offer. The latter perhaps more so by getting me to feel that you understand me and my problems and, thus, can help me solve them. Yet I think they both miss the boat.

Why? Well, neither are really about having a conversation. When you just tell me about your business, there’s no room for me because it’s all about you. And when you make it about me and the problems I face, it’s still from your perspective. You’re not there, in it, with me. And if you were once where I am, it’s difficult to recapture the difficulties I face when you’re no longer in them.

I think that’s what Colleen Wainwright, the Communicatrix (gosh, I can’t help by love that name), was getting too when she wrote this comment on a recent blog post of mine around having the conversation with your niche.

Most of the time, people are thinking about what they want to say, rather than the people they’re going to say it to. You can’t possibly have a conversation with your customers (or anyone else, for that matter) over the sound of the projector running, if you catch my drift.

And that seems to be the crux of most marketing content I see today. Not all, but most. Business owners seem to spend more time being concerned about what they want to get across to people than they do considering what people want to hear. Yet giving them what they want and need is the key to being successful.

So how do you do that? Make it a conversation. Instead of being so concerned with getting all the right content so gingerly placed so perfectly on the page, engage in a conversation. When you write copy, think about it like you’re sitting down with someone referred to you from a friend. First, listen to them. Figure out what they need. Then speak (or write). But do so as you would in a verbal conversation by adding to it, not trying to turn it into something you want.

You may be the expert on your topic and the referral may be coming to you. But they want to feel honored, cared for and listened too. They want their opinions to matter. And they want to know that what they know has value and merit.

Just remember, your target audience is made up of individuals. Engage them as such and you’ll be doing business with people instead of a trying to reach a marketing buzzword.

What do you do to engage individuals in your business? How does your blog serve the conversation and how has it helped build relationships?

P.S. …I just found out that today is Colleen’s Birthday. Stop by and shoot her a b-day wish.Â

Hard to believe, but it’s true.

Normally, I post almost daily. But this is my first post in a week. WOW! And you know what, the blogosphere didn’t curl up and wither away without me.

Not only did it continue without me, it seems to be thriving. Just going by my own traffic stats and comments, I still had healthy activity on my blog during my absence (thanks, by the way).

I know, I know….what amazing, exciting adventure did I have that kept me away from my blog for almost a week?

I can’t tell all the details, but it had something to do with a birthday (mine), seeing an old friend (my spiritual teacher), celebrating the coming birth of our third child (4 weeks away), getting out of the construction zone (kitchen remodel) and swimming (my daughter now firmly believes she’s a frog).

Funny thing, I purposely didn’t take my laptop because I didn’t want to be tempted to work too much. I had all intentions of blogging from the business center at the Embassy Suites we stayed at. However, it was closed for remodeling – something I didn’t think about asking before we booked. So, no computer access….no blogging. And yet without me, the blogosphere continued.

Just goes to show me that while I sometimes believe I live at the center of the universe, the truth is I’m orbiting something much bigger than me.

It was a nice break. But now, as they say, back to work.

Oddly enough, I was outside the box thinking about thinking outside the box just the other day.

What I discovered was something interesting…once I was outside the box, I was free. I could run, dance, play all I wanted. There were no boundaries, only wide-open spaces. No responsibilities, no deadlines, and no structure. Just unabated freedom.

But that wasn’t the interesting part. Being footloose and fancy free was fun, for a while. That’s right, for a while.

After a short time, however, I got board. I started looking back at the box. I moved slowly toward it. And when I got near, I peered inside. I realized the box wasn’t that bad. It provided structure and boundaries that made me productive. It also gave me sense of purpose since I was responsible for my clients, my family, myself.

Soon, I saw the box not as a prison, but as a container. A container with limitations, sure. Yet as romantic as it sounds to be completely free, it’s the limitations that give our lives meaning. Without them, we’d never accomplish anything.

You see, what I’ve learned is that our boxes aren’t bad things. They’re quite the opposite, actually. They give us perspective on where we’ve been, where we are and where we want to go. It’s good to think outside the box, otherwise you’d never grow. And the funny thing about growing is that soon you should out grow your box and need to build a larger one.

Are you thinking outside your box? When’s the last time you built a larger one?

If you blog do you really need a newsletter?

That’s the question I asked the other day which led to an interesting, and in some cases spirited, conversation. I love that we have the space and freedom to openly share our opinions. And I’m grateful that you feel comfortable enough to be open and honest here, in our comment box.

One statement that was made a few times in our conversation is how your newsletter content shouldn’t be separate from your blog content. So should your newsletter articles be different from your blog content?

This is a question that I get asked often. And my answer has evolved over time. At first I thought, “yes, they should be separate.” But now I feel the opposite. Your newsletter subscribers should be able to find your newsletter content on your blog…AND, before they get your newsletter.

Why?

Let’s think about the purpose of an e-newsletter. While it serves many, the main reasons you have a newsletter is to keep in contact with people who have some interest in your business. In doing so you want to give them valuable articles that can help them, build trust and pitch products and services. In other words, your newsletter is about building a relationship.

Yet a newsletter is quite limited in how it does this. Basically, you send it out and it arrives in subscriber’s inbox. They decide to read it or not. And if they do read it, they decide whether they’re going to select one of your offers. That’s pretty much it. The relationship and trust are built through multiple editions and by giving them great content.

But your newsletter can be so much more in building trust and relationship.

Imagine if your newsletter article was only the beginning of a conversation. With it, you simply kicked off an interesting topic that could be discussed, debated and shared easily. You would gain and your readers would as well. And, the conversation would go much further toward building trust with your subscribers.

Well, isn’t that was a blog does?

So forget exclusive content for your newsletter. Your readers likely don’t care if your content is exclusive or not. What they care about is whether the content adds to their life or their business. And if you help them, they’re going to want to get to know you better. And that’s what your blog can do.

Use your newsletter to direct them to the comment box on your blog. Create conversation…build relationships. Let your newsletter become the beginning of an interactive exchange between you and people who are interested in what you offer.

If you’re doing this already, I’d love to hear your experiences. If not, let’s talk about why? And if you’re opposed to publishing all your newsletter content on your blog, I’d love to hear more. So let’s talk…

Do we still need email newsletters (or ezines, as some call it)?

Many websites today are setup to get visitors onto a newsletter list. When you read the copy on their site, much of it is geared toward selling you a free report or workbook. And how do you get this workbook? You have to ‘pay’ with your email address. That’s why I say the sites are selling you the workbook. Just because you’re not spending money, doesn’t make it free.

Anyhow, once you’re on the list you get targeted messages meant to get you to buy the next level of product or service. Often it’s an e-book or an entry-level seminar. Many times the marketing in the newsletter is cleverly disguised by a short article that’s meant as a hook to get you reading. Then the sales pitch comes – you need our e-book…

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve done it myself. I have a newsletter list and it continues to grow. As a matter of fact, it’s grown much more rapidly since I began blogging. You can sign up for it here.

But I’m beginning to question the need for a list. Who does the list serve? It serves me, right? How can it serve my audience when I’m in control of it? I’m in control of its content, the sales pitch, even when it interrupts your life through your inbox. All this keeps me, the business owner, in control.

Yet the marketplace is changing. Marketing is changing. Email is changing. There’s a wave of backlash growing against interruption marketing – and certainly against spam. Consumers now want to have more control over how they’re marketed too – and when. So is the e-newsletter going by the wayside? Are business owners just afraid to let it go because they’ll loose control? How do technologies like RSS fit into the mix?

Yaro has his opinion. What’s yours?

UPDATE: I’ve added a link to Ted Demopolous’ post, Blogs & Ezines? Complimentary? since he added it after commenting on this post. Thanks Ted.

Don’t you want your blog to be noticed?

Sure, we each blog for different reasons. Some of us want to express our views or write about something we love. Others of us want make a buck or promote our business. And some just want to share their lives with others.

Regardless of why you’re blogging, it’s likely you’re doing so to get attention.

Now, I don’t mean that in a childish, acting out way. I mean that you want to be noticed; that you’re writing to gain an audience. And you want your audience to so something whether they’re just reading and commenting, clicking link ads or answering a survey. So you want attention – you want to be noticed.

But what do you when suddenly no one seems to be paying attention to your blog?Â

That’s the question that Liz Strauss asked me our latest one2one conversation.

As a blog and business consultant and coach, I get asked questions like this all the time. After all, the far majority of us blogging are doing so because we have something to share. But it’s hard to share when no one’s listening, right?

So what do you do when no one seems to be listening?

First of all, how do you know no one’s listening? Just about every blog that’s been around more than a couple of months sees some traffic – even it it’s a trickle. So people are listening. Okay, so they may not be listening, or even reading, but that trickle of traffic is finding you.

So you need to set criteria for evaluating whether people are paying attention or not. Doesn’t matter what you decide as the criteria, as long as you have some method to measure it. It could be traffic stats or referrals sources. It could be Technorati ranking or number of feed subscriptions. It could be how many comments you’re getting or how many ad click-throughs. Really, it doesn’t matter what your criteria are. Just be sure that it has meaning to you and it can be measured.

Once you have your criteria, you’ll want to begin measuring it. If you’re focused on comments it should be easy because your blogware (WordPress, Blogger, TypePad, etc) will show you comment stats. If it’s traffic, you’ll want to look at your server stats either through your hosting company or a service like Google Analytics. Technorati, feed subscriptions, and click-through ads will all have ways of measuring your what’s happening.

Why measure? Because it gives you a more objective sense of what’s happening on your blog. Sometimes what you sense is happening just isn’t accurate. For instance, if you’re blogging for the conversation you’re probably interested in the number of comments your posts get. So if the number of comments goes down, it tells you that something in your writing isn’t helping your readers create conversation. In this case, you’d go back, look at the posts that have few comments and compare it posts that got more comments. What’s commonly different between them? It could be content, style or wording. Find what’s missing and write your next few posts with those elements in place – and measure what happens.

If your traffic’s dropped, look back at your stats and see why. One place to start is with your referrers. Are you getting the same amount of traffic through your referrers? If not, find out why. Compare the headlines from your most popular posts and those that are less popular – see a difference? Also, think back to those higher traffic times and consider what you were doing then that you’re not doing now. Maybe you used to comment more on other blogs and you’re not now. That’s easy to remedy.

In general, you can almost always measure what’s going on with your blog. After you’ve set the criteria that’s important to you, it gives you a place to spend your time. That way you don’t have to be bogged down with the many aspects of your blog – you can focus on the one to two most important parts.

Probably the biggest thing is to remember that blogging is for your readers. So if you can’t figure out why it seems people aren’t paying attention to your blog, ask your readers. As in a post and elicit comments. Maybe even email a number of readers and create a dialogue with them. They know why they read your blog better than you ever will. And if they like you, most will be more than happy to help. So ask.

The key to all this is to see what works for you and your readers and what doesn’t – or at least what works less well. Blogging is a bit of trial and error – even if you know what you’re doing. Even Darren Rowse is still experimenting with Problogger. So be willing to explore things, try things and see how they work.

Which is what leads me to my next question for Liz…

What have you thought would work on your blog that bombed with your readers? And what did you learn from it?

You know, I’m not just asking Liz, but you too. Let’s see if the comment box can carry two conversations – one about what to do when people aren’t paying attention to your blog AND the other around what have you tried that’s bombed with your readers.