A couple of days back I was speaking with a client of mine. She’s a life coach who wants to know better how to use the web (and soon her blog) to increase her marketing reach and, ultimately, her business.

We spent the better part of an hour talking about how a blog, when used well, can become a hub for creating buzz about her business. But as we talked, I could sense there was something I wasn’t communicating clearly enough for her to understand.

She was focusing on how her blog would get her in front of so many more people than her static website and how those people would “just convert to clients.”

Of course it doesn’t just work like that. People don’t just become clients for no reason. And just because we’re blogging doesn’t mean our business will grow.

So I asked her to describe how she’d write a blog post to me. She said she’d simply write about what she does, how she helps people and what problems she can solve. She knew from our previous conversations that she wanted to use her blog to build conversation with her readers. And she was clear that she needed to followup with her commenters.

It all sounds pretty good, right? But something was missing for me. Then I asked her what the point of having the conversation in the comment box with her readers. She told me to convert them to clients. So I asked her, “do you see your readers and commenters as prospects?” Her answer was, “Certainly!”

So I asked her, “What about you, your family, your life…are you planning to share any of that through your blog?”

“Why would I,” she responded? “I don’t want them to focus on my life, I want them to do business with me.”

Ah, now my fog was lifted. I knew what she meant - that she wants to use her blog to draw perspective clients that she can then interact with and convert them into clients. But she was unknowingly leaving something out…the relationship.

Sure, there’s lots of ways to market your business using your blog. How I use mine is to build relationships with people. I don’t see you, someone reading my blog, as a reader (though I’ve used the term) nor a prospect. Rather, I see you as a person; someone who has some interest in what I have to say. Hence, I have interest in getting to know who you are. That’s fertile soil for a relationship.

So I share with my client how I’ve found relationships to be the key to growing my business successfully over the years. I’ve learned that when I let the relationship lead the way, the business end of things takes care of itself. I’m not talking about relationships over business. I’m talking about the relationship part of business leading the way.

That’s one way I’ve found conversational blogging to be so powerful. The comment box creates a space for us to have a conversation. Over time, that conversation can lead to a relationship. Some of those relationships can be acquaintances, some friendships, and some business relationships. And each on different levels that grow organically.

When I shared all this with my client (we went over our hour), she got it. Not only did she get it, she was invigorated by the potential to touch people. And while she wasn’t, yet, completely clear how to ‘lead with the relationship,’ she had a sense of how it worked.

So how has blogging helped you create conversations that have led to relationships? What type of relationships have you built? And how have those relationships benefitted your business?Â

People want to do business with people - not businesses.

A few business owners seem to get this. But don’t seem to get it, though. It makes me wonder how business owners see themselves relating to their target audience.

Perhaps that’s the first mistake…target audience. What image do you create when you hear the term target audience? For me, I’m looking off the deck of a boat at an expansive sea whose swells ebb and flow. What I don’t see are the individual drops of water that make up the sea. In other words, I don’t see the individual people in the term target audience. I can’t imagine I’m alone.

Most marketing copy I read today does one of two things: It either tells me all about what ‘you can do for me;’ or it tries to make me identify the problems I face. Both work to some degree. The former by being straight forward in what we offer. The latter perhaps more so by getting me to feel that you understand me and my problems and, thus, can help me solve them. Yet I think they both miss the boat.

Why? Well, neither are really about having a conversation. When you just tell me about your business, there’s no room for me because it’s all about you. And when you make it about me and the problems I face, it’s still from your perspective. You’re not there, in it, with me. And if you were once where I am, it’s difficult to recapture the difficulties I face when you’re no longer in them.

I think that’s what Colleen Wainwright, the Communicatrix (gosh, I can’t help by love that name), was getting too when she wrote this comment on a recent blog post of mine around having the conversation with your niche.

Most of the time, people are thinking about what they want to say, rather than the people they’re going to say it to. You can’t possibly have a conversation with your customers (or anyone else, for that matter) over the sound of the projector running, if you catch my drift.

And that seems to be the crux of most marketing content I see today. Not all, but most. Business owners seem to spend more time being concerned about what they want to get across to people than they do considering what people want to hear. Yet giving them what they want and need is the key to being successful.

So how do you do that? Make it a conversation. Instead of being so concerned with getting all the right content so gingerly placed so perfectly on the page, engage in a conversation. When you write copy, think about it like you’re sitting down with someone referred to you from a friend. First, listen to them. Figure out what they need. Then speak (or write). But do so as you would in a verbal conversation by adding to it, not trying to turn it into something you want.

You may be the expert on your topic and the referral may be coming to you. But they want to feel honored, cared for and listened too. They want their opinions to matter. And they want to know that what they know has value and merit.

Just remember, your target audience is made up of individuals. Engage them as such and you’ll be doing business with people instead of a trying to reach a marketing buzzword.

What do you do to engage individuals in your business? How does your blog serve the conversation and how has it helped build relationships?

P.S. …I just found out that today is Colleen’s Birthday. Stop by and shoot her a b-day wish.Â

Let’s face it, people do business with people - not with businesses. A business owner may like, want and need something that a marketing coach, for instance, offers. But the single biggest reason they hire the firm is because of the people they meet, talk to and build relationships with.

Why?

Well, people want to be in relationships. They want to feel connected to the people they work with. In some way, at least, the business owner wants to trust that the marketing coach really cares about them, their business and helping them solve their problems.

Sure there are other things business owners look for before they sign a check - like competence, professionalism, knowledge, previous results, etc. But ultimately, the relationship will be one of trust.

The New Oxford American Dictionary lists trust as: firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone.

Think about it…aren’t these the qualities you want in your business relationships? So do your clients. So how can you build greater trust with your target audience?

• David Airey’s 5 Easy Steps to Building Trust Online
• Naive by Design’s How to Build Trust Online
• Susan West’s Building Trust is Key to Business Success
• Greg Balanko-Dickson’s Business Blogging Strategy: Build Trust and Rapport
• Marius Wlassak’s Earning Customer Trust Online
• Paul Sarvadi’s Building Profitability by Building Trust
• Shonnie Lavender’s Building Trust With Your Business Blog
• Beautify’s Building Trust in Your Business Relationships - 10 Steps
• Michelle Howe’s Earning Customer Trust Online

Here’s some examples of how others are building greater trust with their audience. How do you?

Are you blogging to build relationships? I sure am. And so are many other bloggers.

Sure, if we’re blogging, we probably like to write. We also probably enjoy playing on the internet to some degree. And for many of us, we’ve got businesses to promote. Yet the reason many of us blog is to create conversations. And those conversations lead to relationships with people from all over the world.

Just imagine how disappointing it’d be to have your posts generate conversations that lead bloggers to contact you only to have you drop the ball by not responding. This is like inviting someone to a lunch where you spend the whole time talking to someone else on your cell phone. Not the way to build a relationship.

Bloggers want to reach out. They want to get a viceral feeling for who you are. Doing so takes a little courage on their part. And not following through sends the message that you just don’t care.

So, here are five quick-and-easy ways to be sure you don’t make the biggest mistake in your blogging relationships:

1. Reply Immediately by Email
   Sending a two sentence email right away that thanks them for contact you is can send more of a positive message than a well crafted longer message two days later. The immediate response makes the other person feel like they’re important to you.
2. Send an Instant Message
   If they publish their IM Screen Name, use it to contact them as soon as you can. Sometimes this can lead to a brief virtual conversation that can be picked up later.
3. Set an Appointment
   Even if you’re busy, take a few moments and respond to their message by inviting a time to talk later. Scheduling an appointment time for a brief (or lenghthy) conversation can be an effective way to meet them without stopping your current work flow.
4. Call Them Out of the Blue
   If you have the time, respond with a phone call instead of an email. This can create quite the impression. I once had a well-known blogger send me an email saying that she was going to phone me at ‘1 pm today.’ She did and we had a great talk.
5. Be Honest About How Busy You Are
   If you’re really busy and can’t get a bit of time away, let them know. People understand. A polite message letting them know that you’d love to meet them soon, but you’re currently under a deadline crunch can easily get the point across without seeming like a blow-off.

If you’re blogging to build relationships be sure to respond to people who contact you. Not doing so will send the wrong message.

Have you made the biggest mistake in your blogging relationships? How have you made up for it? What do you do to not make the biggest mistake?

There are, of course, plenty of other mistakes you can make with your blog. Here’s a few other posts where people have offered up the wisdom of their own experiences…

• The Top Ten Blogging Mistakes I Made In My First Year - eMomsatHome
• Missed Opportunities Are Worse Then Making Mistakes - ProBlogger
  
• 10 Blog Mistakes / Why Your Blog Struggles - Seach-This
  
• 3 Blog Mistakes You Can Avoid - Lee Odden
• 10 Mistakes That Will Kill A Forum…or A Blog - ProBlogger
• 10 Common Blog Writing Mistakes and How To Fix Them - Rich Minx
• Top 5 Mistakes Made When Naming Your Website Or Company - Chitika’s Blog
• 10 Blogging Mistakes I’ve Made - Webomatica
• Top 10 SEO Mistakes - PhoenixRealm
• Twenty Usability Tips For Your Blog - Condensed From Dozens of Bloggers’ Experiences - I’d Rather Be Writing

Many bloggers, like Preston, have asked this question of whether they should fake comments on their blogs to begin the conversation. Darren Rowse had some great advice. As did Jason Kaneshiro from Webomatica and Dee of Blogozine.

They each had some great suggestions of writing more conversationally and more often, asking direct questions of your readers, and having realistic expectations. Also, consider creating a comment policy, and removing no-follow. All these are really great suggestions.

But I was thinking…what do we want from our blogs? If we want comments we probably want conversation. And if we want conversation, we likely want to create relationships. And through relationships, there’s even the chance we could create community.

So if we want conversation, relationship and, eventually, community through our blogs, why not just jump right in?

How? Find other new or newish bloggers whose content you enjoy. Sure, leave some comments on their blogs. You know they’ll come a visit. If they jive with your content, they’ll likely leave a comment or two also. If so, email them and start a dialogue.

That parts all pretty straight-forward, huh? You’ve probably heard that before.

But let’s go one step further…create an agreement where you comment on each other’s posts. That way the conversation can get started on both your blogs. And there’s no need to fake comments.

The beautiful thing is that your agreement has the potential of developing into a relationship that could help you both grow your blogs - and perhaps your business. And if nothing else, you’ll make more friends in the blogosphere.

So, have you tried this? If so, what have been the results?

Is marketing about transactions? Is it about communication? Is it about conversations? Or is it about relationships?

Of course, marketing isn’t about one thing in particular. Yet marketing tends to focus on one, specific outcome - often the transaction. But what happens if we only focus on marketing as, say, a transaction? Who benefits?

Here’s a great story a friend of mine shared with me. It’s a conversation between Doc Searls and a Nigerian Pastor named Sayo. It begins with Doc explaining the chapter he and David Weinberger wrote in the Cluetrain Manifesto called Markets are Conversations…

…After hearing (about ‘markets are conversations’), he acknowledged that our observations were astute, but also incomplete. Something more was going on in markets than just transactions and conversations, he said. What was it?

I said I didn’t know. Here is the dialogue that followed, as close to verbatim as I can recall it…

“Pretend this is a garment”, Sayo said, picking up one of those blue airplane pillows. “Let’s say you see it for sale in a public market in my country, and you are interested in buying it. What is your first question to the seller?”

“What does it cost?” I said.

“Yes”, he answered. “You would ask that. Let’s say he says, ‘Fifty dollars’. What happens next?”

“If I want the garment, I bargain with him until we reach an agreeable price.”

“Good. Now let’s say you know something about textiles. And the two of you get into a long conversation where both of you learn much from each other. You learn about the origin of the garment, the yarn used, the dyes, the name of the artist, and so on. He learns about how fabric is made in your country, how distribution works, and so on. In the course of this you get to know each other. What happens to the price?”

“Maybe I want to pay him more and he wants to charge me less”.

“Yes. And why is that?”

“I’m not sure.”

“You now have a relationship”.

Their conversation goes on to talk about the importance of relationship in public markets. “Transaction still matters, of course. So does conversation. But the biggest wedge in the social pie of the public marketplace is relationship. Price is less set than found, and the context for finding prices is both conversation and relationship. In many cases, relationship is the primary concern, not price.”

What do you think? What’s the reason behind your marketing? Is it just to land business? Or is your marketing about something else? Or both? I’d love to talk about this…