September 17, 2007 by Dawud Miracle 34 Comments Share this:Tweet Related posts: The Part of My Business I Look Forward To Doing More Of… The Key To Promoting Your Business Is… Are You Having A Conversation With Your Niche Audience? What To Do When People Aren't Paying Attention To Your Blog Which Blogger Would You Most Like to Meet? Reader InteractionsComments Mark Silver says September 17, 2007 at 9:56 am Hi Dawud, I love what you wrote, especially since you and I sometimes cross wires in writing here. When that happens it’s always slightly jarring for me, since we’ve known each other for the better part of a decade, and have been friends for much of that- and I trust you implicitly. And, that’s a good lesson, too- that disagreement doesn’t mean the end of a relationship- it can actually add some depth and connection if handled well. Love to you and to your family, and thanks for keeping the love alive. Mark Reply TDavid says September 17, 2007 at 12:38 pm “This can lead to heated debate – which I find find” Huh? Reply Liz Strauss says September 17, 2007 at 10:34 am Wow, Dawud! What a wise and wonderful response. It’s thoughtful and deliberate, yet so firmly set in relationship. Thank you for this example. It’s going in my file. 🙂 Reply Sheila Cason says September 17, 2007 at 3:49 pm What a great article. I’m new to the blog world and am fascinated by how much there is to learn. I especially like the “conversation” and “dialogue” between your readers that you speak about. As a pediatrician I find that am always having to remember what my goal is, which is to relate to people, to help relieve their suffering and to bring joy. Unfortunately sometimes our intent is misconstrued. Many an evening I am thinking of an angry or hurt parent. Sometimes it’s just a look I saw on their face. I wonder how many people don’t bother to leave the comment yet give a look and “walk” away. I keep coming back to your blog because of the essence of who you are rings through your work. I think that’s one of the best ways to interact with people. When we stay grounded and committed to the “dialogue” they begin to trust we mean what we say. They’ll come back because they realize we all have different opinions. We all want to be right. But since there is rarely anything that is absolute saying (like Jean said) “you could be right” is perfect and just as authentic! You’ve outlined practical ways to deal with the inherent complicated interactions we will all face – not just in our blog, But in our life. Thank you – Have a good day. Sheila Reply digitalnomad says September 17, 2007 at 12:56 pm Now I know that’s right. It’s like they don’t even read the post or your answers to comments. Reply Jean Browman--Cheerful Monk says September 17, 2007 at 1:01 pm H. L. Mencken had a lot of problem with that, of course. He finally decided the easiest answer was simply, “You could be right.” Reply Dawud Miracle says September 17, 2007 at 3:01 pm Mark, I definitely know that we (you, me and everyone else) can disagree on a topic and still be friends. Gosh, how boring would the world be if we all agreed all the time? And personally, I’d much rather have a real conversation where people can freely express their opinions than have everyone agree with me. No better way to learn, in my opinion, than have your thoughts challenged. Liz, Sure, you know where my heart is…the relationship. TDavid, Thanks for helping with the editing. Fixed it. digitalnomad, I’ve had a number like that too. Reply communicatrix says September 17, 2007 at 9:11 pm Well, all I’ll say is if at least one of those excellent suggestions doesn’t work, there is simply no hope for the other party at all. Okay, I have to add one. If someone is being a turd or says something particularly nasty, sometimes I will politely email them and tell them I’m pulling the comment, and why (which is b/c I like lively debate, not the angry-making kind) and welcome them to repost with that in mind. I suppose there’s a difference b/w spicy conversation and meanness. It’s a tricky line, sometimes, though. Reply Glenn says September 17, 2007 at 10:32 pm I don’t know who you are or how I happened on your comments. I’m not a blogger, but whole heartedly agree with your view and approach. The reason is because I deal with many people daily in many accounts and subscribe to your approach and have utilized it on a daily basis for the last 28 years in my career. It works. And the reason it works is that you treat a person as an equal if not allow them to believe that they are superior (crow) whether they are or not. It’s the old saying that you can catch more bees with honey than vinegar…or something like. I end up learning more and a possible enemy that I could have created ends up as an ally, if not a friend and many times I’ve seen them understand a different point of view and acting on it as well as me seeing and acting differently because I’ve allowed myself to see their point of view. It will only make you a more rounded person….. Reply joe says September 17, 2007 at 11:49 pm boy is this self-serving and such nice insight on manipulation of a reader: make a “benign” comment to calm them down and then “allow the commenter to think they’re right.” you start from the premise that the reader “just isn’t getting you.” maybe you should start from the premise that the blogger is wrong. too many blog entries i’ve read are misinformed about basic facts, have serious flaws in the logical arguments they’re making, otherwise inaccurate, biased, etc. it seems to me that blogging, like journalism, attempts to raise the conversation on a given topic. but unlike journalists, bloggers face few serious ramifications (like loss of their jobs) if they screw that up (many cop-out by saying something like, ‘expressing an opinion cannot be wrong’ even if based on inaccuracies. until bloggers establish some sort of ethical code and clarify how they are trying to write, they should start from the premise that they could be wrong rather from the premise that the reader isn’t “getting it.” (just a note: please point me to any such code if it has been written up; i’m sure it has & i missed it). Reply Clive says September 18, 2007 at 5:14 am What you talking about, I don’t get it! No, seriously, I do and it’s a problem I often come across on my own blogs. I tend to be blunt and abrasive (something I’m trying to change) and I have a post-it note just below my keyboard saying “Reply to ignorant blog comments and e-mails after 24 hours”. Not the perfect solution but it helps. Reply Dawud Miracle says September 18, 2007 at 1:33 am Sheila, Thanks so much. I love what I do – which is help people who own businesses understand how to use the web to build relationships that will help grow their businesses. I know my love and passion sometimes come across in my writing. So thank you for the acknowledgment. BTW, what keeps you going with your blog? Communicatrix, Right on! One thing about being the blog owner – you set the parameters and decide your thresholds for conversation. Then you can interact with people at the levels your most comfortable. Though I do suggest that people ease out of their comfort zone from time to time. Glenn, First off, welcome to the blogosphere (which is really another way of saying people on the internet interacting with each other through their websites). I’m very happy you joined the conversation. It just doesn’t make sense, in my mind, to battle people. So much more can be gained through compassion and patience – really two major keys to communication. I’ve always loved the honey analogy. Thanks for adding it. Joe, If you’re talking about facts – sure people can be wrong. I’ll be the first (well, the second after I’m corrected) the say I’m wrong on facts if/when I am. But if you’re talking about opinions or experience, then no one is really ever wrong. People base what they know on what they’ve experienced. And it’s likely that two people have much different life experiences – which means different views, opinions, knowledge and approaches to life. And really, I don’t start with the premise that readers aren’t getting it. There’s no predetermined construct I read comments with. What I do find from time to time is that commenters will either bring up for debate points I didn’t make or they come to grind their axes on things I’m not really saying. That means we have a communication gap. And as I’ve said, the main goal is to bridge that gap as much as possible first before anything else. The beauty in communication is learning anyhow. Learning about people and how they see the world. That’s what relationships are all about, in my opinion. Blogging is just another extension of that. Reply Dawud Miracle says September 18, 2007 at 8:31 am Clive, You’ve got me chuckling. I think it’s a great solution. Reply Amrit Hallan - HowToPlaza says September 18, 2007 at 11:54 am Hi Dawud. Thanks for dropping by. Reply Website Design says September 18, 2007 at 1:01 pm Pick up the phone. Now there’s one I would not have thought of. Great advice. Reply Wendy Piersall says September 20, 2007 at 3:32 pm OK, so can I throw a question into the mix? What if not only does the commenter simply not understand you at all, but they also start jumping to erroneous conclusions and posting it on their own blog? I’m all for conversation, even disagreeable and heated conversation as long as it is conversation and not abusive or facts (grossly) misrepresnted. But when people start posting lies, or suggesting that I am lying (which you know me well enough to know that I wouldn’t do that), what next steps would you take?! 🙂 Reply Dawud Miracle says September 21, 2007 at 8:33 am Amrit, You’re welcome. Website Design, Sure. And it works… Wendy, I, too, enjoy open, heated debate. But if someone just wants to argue and not find common ground, I don’t see how they benefit the conversation or my readers. So at first I’d make a few attempts to bring to find common ground with the commenter. Initially I’d assume that we were just missing each other. But if after a few attempts we weren’t getting anywhere, I’d likely shut down their comments. Heated debate and conversation are one thing. But arguing is another. And I just don’t want to spend time arguing with someone on my blog. And since I’m the owner, why would I waste my time with someone who doesn’t want to at least agree to disagree? Reply MorganLighter says September 24, 2007 at 10:43 am Dawud – Great article. I have seldom found myself being badgered by a commenter, however, as a commenter I have run into a few instances wherein the author misunderstood my words. Usually this was because the author was from a different country and did not quite understand my usage of words – after reexplaining myself, we found ourselves on the same page and all was well. When stumbling across an article which contains egregious errors, (I never point out their typos, misspelling or improper usage of a word) I inform the author of his mistake and cite references that back up my statement, all the while trying to be as innocuous as possible. Should there come a time when someone starts taking uncalled for pot-shots, on their site, at my family of fellow bloggers or at me, well, I suppose I should use the 5 points listed in your piece, but there just might be bloodshed. Better call 911. Reply Carol L. Skolnick, Clear Life Solutions says September 24, 2007 at 5:12 pm Hi Dawud, Your question is a great excuse for a little self-inquiry! If someone flames me, and it hurts, they’re right…but only according to me. What stressful belief does their criticism bring up for me that I would be reactive to it? So it can be seen as a gift. Not that I encourage flaming! While people are certainly entitled to their opinions, engaging in back-and-forth with flamers doesn’t enhance my life and work, so I don’t bother. That’s why I ask commenters to register in order to comment. It cuts down on the hit-and-run as well as the spam. In honest and mature discourse (which I’m sure everyone here aims for), if I feel misunderstood, and I’ve done my best to communicate more clearly, I can ask myself why this is so important. I have noticed, sometimes, that my “need” to be understood can be a disguise for the much more insidious, “I’m right and you’re wrong.” In the case of colleagues, clients, friends, family, I love your idea of picking up the phone. There are nuances of speech that occasionally don’t translate well in emails or comment columns. Great content here, Dawud, always. In your posts and in the comments too. Reply Dawud Miracle says September 25, 2007 at 8:46 am MorganLighter, I think it’s all in how you handle things. The best way, I’ve found, is don’t add fuel to the fire. Try to help put the fire out, rather. There doesn’t have to be a fight… Carol, Yeah, so much can get lost in an email. I blog a lot and I comment a lot. Yet I don’t really deal with being flamed. It’s not a concern of mine, really. I just share what I love, what I know and what I feel can help people and then engage you in a conversation around it. If someone wants a debate, I’ll debate. I just don’t want things to turn personal or be destructive. And I think all of us could do in following Liz Strauss’ one rule: Be Nice! Reply Krista says October 9, 2007 at 2:43 pm I agree with your ideas. Hearing your readers first and then responding is always a nice and professional way to approach comments. Thanks for the read!! Reply Dawud Miracle says October 10, 2007 at 11:53 am Krista, You’re welcome. I find it the only effective and compassionate way to communicate…listen first, then respond. The question is how to cross the communication gap when what I say may not be what others hear… Thoughts? Reply chat odalari says October 14, 2007 at 8:17 am chat Reply msn ifadeleri says October 14, 2007 at 8:18 am msn Reply yakma resim says October 14, 2007 at 8:43 am yakma resim Reply haber says October 14, 2007 at 8:13 am son dakika haberleri But you have to recognize the value. Reply arkadas says October 14, 2007 at 8:14 am free Reply canli sohbet says October 14, 2007 at 8:16 am online turkey Reply Laser Hair Removal says October 19, 2007 at 12:24 am I totally agree to TDavid this is a very good Debate Topic. Reply sesliharikam says May 8, 2012 at 9:29 pm Love the tutorial that you have just did for me. I think this will be a lot easier to use xampp then just use an online hosting service. Also it will save money Reply Trackbacks […] While blogging mostly consists of generating unique content for your blog regularly, it also involves regular interaction with your readers through your comments section. Sometimes a conflict of sorts takes place when your commenter doesn’t understand what you are trying to communicate and you both get into a seemingly interminable argument. This is not healthy for your blog and it needlessly wastes your time and emotional energy. Dawud on his blog tells you what you should do when a commenter just isn’t hearing you. […] Reply […] you as they cannot see your body language or they cannot tell from words. This post “What Do You Do When A Commenter Just Isn’t Hearing You?” explains quite it comprehensively. Therefore, podcasts solve quite a bit of that problem. […] Reply […] you catch Dawud’s Monday installment in our ongoing conversation? He deftly answered What Do You Do When A Commenter Just Isn’t Hearing You? Dawud described a gracious way to respond and reminded us that we’re always talking to […] Reply […] What Do You Do When A Commenter Just Isn’t Hearing You? You’ve done it before. You quickly scan an article and in less than a few seconds you already know how you’re going to tell the author how she hasn’t the slightest clue what she’s talking about. This is how you deal with evil commenters like that, besides Douche Baggiing them of course. […] Reply Leave a Reply Cancel reply Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *Comment Name * Email * Website Notify me of follow-up comments by email. Notify me of new posts by email.