Is it wise to use your business to hurt people?
You’d probably agree with me that it’s certainly not wise to hurt your customers or potential customers. That seems pretty clear, doesn’t it?
But what about the people you work with or who work for you? Is it okay – is it appropriate – to hurt, abuse or cause your staff, peers or partners to suffer simply because they work with you?
Hopefully we all know the answer to this question as well. That’s why I’m a bit perplexed this morning from an email I got yesterday. The email as interesting in that I was being blamed for giving someone’s former boss ‘carte blanche’ to be abusive. The writer of the email referred to my post Why Being Unreasonable Can Lead To Success.
In the article I propose that to build a successful business you need to be willing to drop conformity and strike out on your own path with your business. I compare running a business to my many backpacking trips where I’d hike on trail until I got a feel for where I was. Then, I’d get off trail and explore sights unseen by most. Here’s an excerpt:
…Be willing to cut your own path. At the very least, explore off trail. Don't just be a follower who adapts his or her self to the conditions that already exist. Rather find your independence, become your own leader and make the conditions that surround you work for you and your business.
What I’m saying is own your business. What that means is be the person who makes the decisions. Use the knowledge you gather from any source – coaches, books, seminars, teleclasses, trainings, etc. Learning it. Then use it to cut your own path in business rather than just following along with what you’re taught.
So nowhere in the article am I referring to being abusive, unkind or impolite with anyone. If you’re not kind to the people you work with and for (clients & customers included) then you’re making a terrible mistake. Successful businesses are built on the foundation of sound, caring, mutually beneficial relationships. Relationships that are nurtured for the benefit of both people. From what I’ve witnessed again and again not nurturing relationships is business suicide.
Whenever I’m in a relationship with anyone, regardless of their position, I’m trying to remember that what comes out of them is from them. For the most part, the circumstances that cause any sort of reaction are irrelevant. What IS relevant is how we respond to the circumstances. Whenever someone does something we don’t like, we have a choice. The choice is to respond to them with cruelty or with kindness. And the is true in every situation in our business … and our lives.
So have you had these sort of experiences where a boss, a partner or a colleague is unkind or abusive? Or have you had clients like this? What have you done about it?
More over, what importance do you put on nurturing relationships in your business? How is that importance viewed by others?
Let’s talk about it.
(note: image from Bhernandez on Flickr, 
some rights reserved)
I think you’re absolutely right. A successful business owner must realize the importance of cutting his own path, when appropriate, rather than just doing what he’s “supposed to do” all the time. Additionally, relationships are the fundamental building blocks of a well functioning business and it is extremely important to maintain good relationships within the workplace as well as with your customers. This is one of the reasons good customer service is so highly valued.
For the record, Dawud, you are one of the kindest, most polite people with whom I’ve ever had the pleasure of working, even as you cut your own path. So you’d probably be the one to give some good examples of how you handle difficult working relationships. I’d sure like to hear about it!
Hello
I think we’re friends on FB which is a good place to start. Since i blog and do affiliate sales I’m my own boss 🙂 I have reached out to plenty of people and found most social media people to not be to social. So I tend to isolate. I used to flip them the bird or respond with some WHO do you think you are. But I found that I was only reinforcing the reason they may of not responded. So this is applicable in all our dealings with people. People have changed so much it’s surreal. I also don’t get into all that hero IDOLIZING stuff you see online.
I’m ME like me or don’t. I try my best to best nice to everyone even people I may not like or respect.Life is to short for constant drama 🙂
Stumbled thanks
PS but I think it’s good to think about these things Am I treating people right and also am I letting people take advantage of my kindness 🙂
Best wishes to you
I´d like to be strong as you…experiences, where a boss is unkind and abusive,happen
unfortunately often and in all the world….i live this situation right now and it is difficoult for me to rebel… the problem is that i need money and i cannot simply quit my job..that´s impossible.
But after i´ve read your article i hope to find the strength to responce and to improve my situation. i want to look for another job where i can enjoy my time,my interest and above all a peaceful atmosphere.
I totally agree with you.In some cases people around us doesn’t think that way because they just want to get successful even though there are many people to be affected and risking it because of her/his goals. Some people don’t take a risks like that because they love to be loved by their customers, supporters and etc…
I think this is a good example of how people “hear” what they want to “hear”. With abusive co-workers I always try to find the true reason why they are treating me abusively. I find it easier to work with the cause than the symptoms.
I am a little surprised to hear that someone took that away from any of your blog post, since that is SO anti-Dawud…
There are always choices. I often find myself hard to choose the positive one, lol.. because I’m so emotionally-driven. Over time I try to always remember about choices in my hand. I can choose between keeping my mind happy/steady or tiring it with negative emotion. This works most of the time.
I haven’t had this exact problem, but I always seem to be in a situation where bosses and things are nice/kind to me, but other coworkers tell me that those same people are unkind or inconsiderate towards them. Am I just more likeable/tolerant/oblivious? Ha.
Dawud, in this case, I thought you’ve done the right thing, and you shouldn’t afraid of the ridiculous blame. In this world, there are so many unkind people that love to spread out the rumors to frame up other people!
I actually had an old boss of mine tell me that I am too “nice” to our customers (computer building/repair shop).
Funny how a few years later, he is out of business and I now have 3 businesses!
Daily we have to contact with unkind or abusive people because they are our customers. I’m trying do not be nervous with such people and satisfy them as much as i can, because it’s my customers, my money, and my advertizing. If you would refuse them, you will loose their friends, colleagues as potential customers.
So do not be nervous:-) Just think about money, you will get:-)
I truly agree on your statement: “I propose that to build a successful business you need to be willing to drop conformity and strike out on your own path with your business. ” Because its easy to know whether you want something to achieve, We should have your guts and faith to win it.
I guess everything someone says or writes can be interpreted even to the opposite of the original meaning. I mean just look at the mainstream media.
It’s too bad when people have a negative mind-set and hence take something the wrong way, deliberate or not. I would call that self-abuse. So it’s always a good idea when feeling abused or offended to first ask for clarification. So many misunderstandings and misgivings could be avoided then.
Yeah, I agree. ” Don’t just be a follower who adapts his or her self to the conditions that already exist. Rather find your independence, become your own leader and make the conditions that surround you work for you and your business.”. Being a mindless drone following routine may work, but exploring and being independent can lead to real success.
Ive Worked for a boss who was very unreasonable and it worked out very badly for him. The previous boss was kind, polite and more than reasonable and the business was successful, one this new guy took over and was the complete opposite he lost staff left right and center. soon his figures were looking terrible and i left at the same time he was already struggling to make profit. Just goes to show if you find the right balance youll be much more successful
Politeness pays and a caring attitude pays even more. There are some businessmen who get by being rude, but those are far and few.
I am not a business person but an employee and have found that it is employed persons who are usually ruder to customers than the owner of the business. An emperical study of attitudes of different groups would help throw more light.
Dawud, business is not only about buying and selling, but it also talking about the trustworthy and honesty as well!
Hence, those people who meant to the customers in the business are mostly being kicked out from the business arena very soon…
Just ignore those silly people, Dawud. The time will be your witness…
Great post.
Business is not only about selling and buying, that’s true, I think it’s about a relationship between the sellers and the buyers.
Business is business… Yes, one should think about people more than about profit, but it’s hardly possible in this world. The only way to make it better is not to repeat their mistakes.
I’ve had times when a client was being rude and intrusive. The best thing to do is to ignore or choose not to work with these people because they give out a bad vibe. Just surround yourself with positive people and everything should be fine.
That this may occur, working out where you want to go and planning to get there, will set you apart from the great majority of businesses that don’t perform this activity well. Doing a plan at business start-up stage and never looking at it again doesn’t really count as planning either. Plans should be reviewed at least twice per year, and done properly, can be your most
Great post dawud and a nice blog too, there’s a lot of information here. Thank’s to you. Keep it up. 🙂
.Beautywawa, i totally agree with you but u miss something. Beside a buyers, employer also have focus more on their employee. without them, owner of d business is nothing.
hmm I guess everything someone says or writes can be interpreted even to the opposite of the original meaning. I mean just look at the mainstream media.
building relationships only matters when its a profitable relationship, as soon as its not worth the time and money end it. Great article!
I’ve only ever had one instance where someone was abusive. I was accused of going around and slandering their business because our business deal didn’t work out. They threatened to pursue legal action and this and that and everything. The fact is though, I never went out and did any of that. I politely told them that they really weren’t worth the effort. I mean it was a business deal not a personal matter. Why would I take the time to go out and do that? I have way more important stuff to do than dwell on past issues.
Dawud, you’re going to run in to crazy people from time to time. The best advice I have for you is not to let them get to you.
I agree trust is imperative for good business,
also many companies do not relize the correlation between happy workers and increased productivity.
I think you are suggesting to leave or separate with the boss or client that is unfriendly or abusive.
It is common to businessman to be abusive. There are national leaders who said lying is necessity for them in order to avoid panic and distrust among citizen.
Even Kings are doing this before. Fortunately we are knowledgeable now and we know our rights.
Yes i there is a need to leave the client or boss if the relationship is not good. They will not learn the lesson if people working with them prepare to stay.
I have had bosses who have literally put their hands on me and coworkers who have yelled and tried to embarrass me in public.
All I can say is if you don’t keep your composure there will be times when people will only see the reaction and not the cause and you will be blamed.
Since when is someone responsible for someone else’s behavior? The fact of the matter is people need to be accountable for their *own* behavior.
I don’t think anyone should let themselves be caught up in any situation business or no business, personal or whatnot. You have to take a big picture view and say that you will act with integrity in any situation and that way you will never regret it. Better to be poor and clean than rich and corrupt.
But aside from that, I think that in many business situations people do let themselves be taken advantage of by being overworked and under compensated and that it is fair in some situations to cut your own path and strike off independent even if you may take some of what you learned at your previous job and put it to work for yourself as long as your intentions are honest.
I truly agree on your statement: “I propose that to build a successful business you need to be willing to drop conformity and strike out on your own path with your business. ” Because its easy to know whether you want something to achieve, We should have your guts and faith to win it.
I had a boss who’s unkind and abusive. He’s so insensitive to me and to my co-workers. He would sometimes ask us to do some things that are not part of our jobs, he also asked us to work overtime but did not gave us any overtime pay. I then realized that there will be no abusive boss if we ourselves will not let them abuse us. I think I’m just too kind and polite with my bosses. But then, there came a point that I realized that enough is enough. I resigned, even my fellow workers resigned, too.
Anyway, I agree with you that successful businesses are built on the foundation of mutually beneficial relationships. Bosses or business owners must be fair both to their clients/customers and to their workers.
Well bullies will always blame their behavior on someone else. I’ve had the unfortunate experience of working with and for bullies, and it’s very unpleasant. If, as a customer, I experience any atmosphere of bully behavior I would definately never go back to that establishment. At work now, as a purchasing manager, I had a very bad experience with bully behavior with a lease company that was involved with the lease of my copy machine. You’d better believe that I did everything within my power to replace that machine when the lease was up with any company other than the one I had been doing business with. Good customer service is key to business success! And vouching for you, I had the pleasure of being on a teleconference with you for 1 1/2 hours, and I was so happy with the kindness you showed everyone as they ran through some challenging questions for you! So obviously, to me, as someone that has had the opportunity to actually interact with you, I can vouch that you would never support bully behavior. Keep up the good work!
I think a critical point is the recognition that different scenarios require different approaches. There is no universal managerial way — to be locked into a single style is to fail managerially.
Companies are a collection of people, and they do not exist without them. To lose sight of that is to miss a big part of what makes businesses successful. Some scenarios require tenacity, while others require diplomacy.
Great points. Relationships are the key to all businesses. Behavior such as this will hurt you in the long run!
I agree. In business, relationships are everything. That includes relationships with one’s colleagues or employees.
You can’t possibly be responsible for the actions of person who claims you’re his/her inspiration for being a Jerk.
Bullies are best dealt with by reporting them to the higher powers that be.
Even if the person doing the bullying is the owner of the business you can still have your day in court if you are bullied out of your livelihood.
Employment laws are there to safeguard employees, and shield them from this type of abuse. You have the right to put your part of the story in writing and, hand deliver it to the owner of the business or the bosses boss without fear of repercussions.
They have to acct on this information and put to rights the wrongs.
A recent case a few years ago in the uk, and it is uk employment law I am referring too.
A lady was bullied by her shop floor manager, to the point where is was no longer able to do her job, she ended up in a deep depression, Long story short, eventually she was awarded £ 350,000 compensation by the courts and received a fully paid up pension to boot. It was found that the company allowed this situation to continue even though they had the power to stop it.
In my business, I focus on giving the customer something of value, and holding my services to the highest standards. The rest seems to work itself out.
I find that there are bully leader that is so bright and there are also bully leader that there is nothing to contribute.
In this case, the bully yet less intelligent leader became burden to each member. It do not have contribution and most of the ideas are weird.
OMG… did somebody really spend the time to send you an email about you “allowing” their boss to be abusive? Seriously I would rather watch the grass grow 🙂
If they have a boss that will be unkind because of something that they might read on a blog I think they will need a new boss (or to find another job).
/Mikael
Believe me, it is the biggest will for employees to get rid of their bossed and to lead a business their self. I left everything 4 years ago and decided to be my own boss and now I am. I think it is a wrong perception that we abuse others for the cause. Just ignore such mails.
Business is about trust and loyalty.
If there is no trust, it can lead to bad business – late payment, non payments and legal disputes.
Honesty is the best policy.
design business and needs to find clients. How do you go about finding clients… find new clients at marketplaces…relationship with that client outside the marketplace.
Business is about human relationship. You can’t deny that so being honest and kind to your customers is a good policy.
very good article.
It reminds me how bad my boss treat some customers last time.
Business is not only about selling and buying, it’s about communication.
@Banner Stands, You are right but what about the trust relationship between employers and employee? I think it is difficult to maintain that.
I truly agree on your statement: “I propose that to build a successful business you need to be willing to drop conformity and strike out on your own path with your business. ” Because its easy to know whether you want something to achieve, We should have your guts and faith to win it.
Good clarification, it can be annoying when readers take your words out of context. I would agree that people need to respect their co-workers and at least make an effort to understand where others are coming from.
Business is about trust and loyalty. 🙂
I think there is no reason to sugar coat your words, but if someone isn’t performing you dont need to be a douche bag about it.
You just need to be clear on what is expected and they can either meet that or not. If not, then fire them.
If you clearly define expectations, then there shouldnt be issues, because people will know when they are screwing up.
@Steve|jordans:
As an employer, you can bet most people are egotistical, it’s normal and healthy. Also, the employee must keep in mind that his employer is egotistical as well.
With these healthy prejudices in place, I still think honesty is the best way to go.
I think you’re right on! You don’t want to have a bad rep for having an attitude. People love to gossip and you get one going you’ll have an office of them soon enough.
You should remember always the law of Karma.
I agree on your statement: “I propose that to build a successful business you need to be willing to drop conformity and strike out on your own path with your business”, because its easy to know whether you want something to achieve.
I think it is important that we do not try to hurt people. That is the worst thing you can do as a company….. If you are looking to make money and run then thats what you do but if you are looking to be in it for the long haul then you need to build your customer loyalty.. but then again those big companies might go out with a bang to screw people over just in case the business is going out of business.
Business is a state involving mutual dealings between people or parties or countries..It all depends on the trust factor
I guess you’re correct – it really comes down to the fact that you don’t want a bad rep for having personality issues.
A successful business needs to treat not only it’s customers right but also the people who work for the business. People who feel great working for a business will want to help in making the business a success.
A large part of business is the relationship that you create with your customer, so no, it’s not a good idea to hurt someone with your business, what if word got out?
Clients are often like this – but people in the office are ‘supposed’ to be on the same team – but it is often much more like an episode of Survivor.
My direct boss from my old job had it out for me and eventually got me laid off – He was really mean about it too. I have never been treated like that before – and although I really liked that job – I am happy to be gone.
I guess everything someone says or writes can be interpreted even to the opposite of the original meaning. Business is not only about selling and buying, it’s about communication.
that the roof has a road painted on it, should kind of give it away that this is real.
Great post.
Business is not only about selling and buying, that’s true, I think it’s about a relationship between the sellers and the buyers.
I think this is a good example of how people “hear” what they want to “hear”. With abusive co-workers I always try to find the true reason why they are treating me abusively.
i agree with houston, they are stressed out and poor bosses will take it out on their employees
I think with the down economy abusive bosses have probably gotten worse. They are stressed out and poor bosses will take it out on their employyees. The employyees are less likely to leave because their are less open jobs out there now.
Something they don’t normally teach in business school is the element of people. People and relationships are our most important asset. Even though you can’t record those relationships on a balance sheet, they are the most important thing.
I definitely agree with you. Business is trust and confidence. Trust is build by fair treatment.
I guess you’re correct – it really comes down to the fact that you don’t want a bad rep for having personality issues.
I find that being selfish and treating people badly can sometimes work in the short-term but almost always ends up hurting you in the long run.
I realise this is a good example of how people “hear” what they want to “hear”. A large part of business is the relationship that you create with your customer, so no, it’s not a good idea to hurt someone with your business. That the roof has a road painted on it, should kind of give it away that this is real.
I actually had an old boss of mine tell me that I am too “nice” to our customers (computer building/repair shop).
Funny how a few years later, he is out of business and I now have 3 businesses!
I suppose that’s one way you could be unreasonable. Probably not the best though.
Aside from not actually treating people with basic respect they deserve as a human, you are never going to get the best from employees if. The same if you are a client. Nobody is going to go that important extra mile if they don’t respect you.
Great point about dropping conformity and creating your own path. Every business owner needs to be innovative in some way, but that doesn’t give them the excuse to be rude or unreasonable.
I honestly don’t see where abusing coworkers or anything like that was present in your original post. I understood the analogies you made and it was CLEAR that you meant, make your own path, as it make your own business.
I think that being abusive to anyone in any situation is unnecessary. This includes bosses, co-workers, customers, clients and potential customers and clients.
Good customer service is key to business success. That’s the only thing I want to say.
Customers should be valued, employees respected. But it’s a two way street as well, if all play by the rules, no one gets hurt.
I think that you need to create your own path. In some aspects, it pays to be conventional in business i.e. using well known conventions on the web. However, you can certainly be unconventional in overall strategy. Most great business usually re-create the rules with innovation.
In any relationship, whether it’s personal or business, when someone needs a job abuse can happen. if they need to be in a relationship for financial reason it happens. I’ve seen a lot of people who get to the top and turn into complete jerks or control freaks.
It happens when someone makes so much money that they don’t have to listen to anyone who doesn’t work for them and depend on them for their employment.
Look at celebrities like Micheal Jackson for an good example. He was taking medicine only used for people about to get into heart surgery to slow them down so he could sleep from the uppers he was on. If any of them cared they would have taken him away to get detoxed by force, but they didn’t.
In short, the really well liked successful people keep themselves in check. Seen too many people become ego-based monsters when they start making the money.
“What I’m saying is own your business. What that means is be the person who makes the decisions.”
Rebelliousness does not necessarily mean you are being logical about your chosen actions—no matter how honourable you think your cause is.
“In the article I propose that to build a successful business you need to be willing to drop conformity and strike out on your own path with your business.”
When forging one’s own identity, it should still respect what others have made for themselves. Conformity doesn’t mean sacrificing one’s beliefs and dignity. It is maintaining dignity while making respectable compromises.
Since when is someone responsible for someone else’s behavior? The fact of the matter is people need to be accountable for their *own* behavior.
Great points. Relationships are the key to all businesses. Behavior such as this will hurt you in the long run!
It’s always best to apply the Golden Rule. If I wouldn’t want to be treated in such a way, I won’t treat others that way. That’s not to say that sometimes as a business owner you don’t have to make difficult decisions but always with fairness and kindness.
Thanks Dawud
I think it is always important to be positive. When you think positive thoughts, positive things happen. I always believe I am going to succeed and that is why I do succeed most of the time. I would never treat anyone with negativity. That is unethical and furthermore I believe that what goes around comes around eventually.
Your right, one should “own” his own business. The tendency for some is that they just take other people’s ideas and use it as if it was their own original thought. Then if something happens that they don’t like, they put the blame to someone else. Responsible entrepreneurs should be able to make decisions and face the consequences for such.
You said that one of the paths to success is being able to drop conformity. Maybe the person who read the post is reading it too literally or over-reading it.
Fortunately, I’ve not had this experience but its been interesting how other people have gone through having unkind colleagues so thanks for creating a great discussion.
Then if something happens that they don’t like, they put the blame to someone else. Responsible entrepreneurs should be able to make decisions and face the consequences for such.
Keeping relationship positive, if possible, is extremely important. As a CPA in Huntington, I have found people I am connected with often times come back around and provide benefit to my practice vs the opposite if the relationship was negative.
Well said, i have seen so many people whom just think about their benefits in business, your post is really very good, all your ideas are amazing.
Hm, this is a tricky subject. I don’t really agree with some of the comments, but I guess that it is good to sort of follow your own principles to a certain extent. But if you risk loosing your job or such it is suddenly very far from worth it 🙂
Yeah, well put. I think that in these times of profit making and hierachies, it is very important to look out for each other and treat everyone with respect. It is too easy to forget, so thanks for this blog!
Perhaps within a large business, it is okay (from a business perspective) as seldom does one employee make or break a large company… However within a small business, 1 employee may constitute 20% of your workforce, hence if they are unhappy or under productive, then this can result in a huge issue…
I think this is a good example of how people “hear” what they want to “hear”. With abusive co-workers I always try to find the true reason why they are treating me abusively. I find it easier to work with the cause than the symptoms.
business is business at the end of the day – however usng bad tactics and dishonest behaviour is not the way forward – im a strong believer in behing honest and achieving success through hard work and determination.
I actually had an old boss of mine tell me that I am too “nice” to our customers (computer building/repair shop).
When I interning in New York, I can’t believe how nice I was treated when i interacted with other businesses and professionals. Here I was, the lowly intern, delivering packages and images to clients, and I was offered water, coffee, and pleasant conversation.
Now that I live in Utah, I have never experienced anything remotely like it. Full of unprofessional, inexperienced religious fanatics. Being professional and kind to customers and employees goes a long way.
It’d be nice if we all treated everyone the way we would like to be treated. Business or not.
It seems so counterproductive to add negativity to any relationship. While having a happy and comfortable company doesn’t guarantee success, it’s great for both employee motivation and the company’s reputation. Social media has changed the game and it’s easy to find out how employees feel about their business.
thanks
While having a happy and comfortable company doesn’t guarantee success, it’s great for both employee motivation and the company’s reputation. Social media has changed the game and it’s easy to find out how employees feel about their business.
I agree. You have to take ownership of your business to be successful. And if you want to take your small business to the next level, you have to take some risks, go off of the beaten path.
Sometimes you have to make unpopular decisions. As long as you have a clear strategy, supported with well grounded arguments you should be ok.
I have had a number of different types of bosses, from the “best friend” to the “hands off” type who let office politics run rampant. These were primarily law firms, and are one reason I left that field post haste.
My current boss doesn’t know what it is like to be on my side of the desk. But I know I can tell him straight when he’s out of line. And I do. But thankfully I don’t have to very often.
I think that all bosses should be reminded to treat their people the way they would want to be treated, were roles reversed. If you adopt that mindset, you’ll never abuse anyone.
Great points. Relationships are the key to all businesses. Behavior such as this will hurt you in the long run!
This has a lot of relevance for younger employees that are in a less powerful position and with probably fewer senior colleagues to call upon for support. Though I’m sure even those that are longer in the tooth can suffer some form of abuse in the workplace, in my experience it’s less acute.
My personal approach to handling “difficult” relationships at work has always been more karmic (no, I’m not a hippy!) but if I believe that those deserving bad fortune will get it at some point, I feel less stressed and more able to handle the daily grind.
I guess you are right. Great businesses are the ones that empower people and the ones that operates with values above all. Thanks!